Confusing
by buffyelliot
Summary: An old RP storyline, jumps back and forth in POV, but interesting if you're willing to try to comprehend. Unfinished. I'll continue if I get feedback.


[After _Bring On The Night_]

The Slayer had been torn to bits - but who could blame her? The fight was finally getting bad, right in the middle of it we were. Couldn't see my girl like that though, made the most vulnerable bits of me surface. A torment it was. My own personal Hell. Even while in the basement I could hear them, bickering and losing faith in their leader. She believed in me and I in her - that's all that mattered to me. The pain she was carrying was becoming too much for even me.

I waited until she retired to her room for the night. Lighting, yet another, cigarette, I remained sitting on the cot contemplating my newest idea. Earning a foot in my bloody mouth didn't sound too good, but leaving her up there with so much stress also didn't seem the least bit well. The bird needed to fly for a bit, spread her wings and stretch. Simply needed to clear her mind. She's all I could think about, stuck and winded up in her. Two cigarettes later, after stroking my courage and ego, feet led me to her door. Tapping lightly, as if expecting her to be sleeping, I waited on her to open her door. Always waiting on her - on my girl.

Buffy sighed as she walked up to her room, finally she had time to herself. Nobody had left her alone since the fight and even though she hurt, she didn't want anyone tending to her like a child. All she really wanted was to relax and get away from it all. Forget – if only for a moment – that she had a job to do and the world was relying on her. It seemed like all she ever did anymore was fight, whether it be with one of her many enemies or her own friends. The only person left that she didn't fight with was the one she'd fought with most in this life – Spike. He seemed to be the only one left who cared about how she felt during this mess.

As she danced around her room to the music she'd turned out, Buffy pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top to change into. She hadn't looked at herself just yet, so she didn't know where she was bruised or cut at. Quickly she changed from her pants and shirt to the shorts and tank, trying to avoid anyone walking in on her. Lately it seemed nobody knew how to knock. The quiet tapping on her door was a surprise, so she took her time walking to reach the knob before pulling it open slowly. "Spike."

Seeing her standing there, tank top and tiny shorts, made my lungs hitch. Bloody hell. Clearing my throat, and forcing my eyes from her exposed flesh, I tilted my head downward so our eyes could connect. "Buffy. I-" My eyes slid along her face, her bottom lip that had already fattened. "Oh, pet." My large, rough hand tucked a stray hair behind her ear tenderly. "I think you need a break. I bloody well know that I'm not the git to trust, but look at you. They don't appreciate you!" _They don't deserve you._ I stood in the doorway, staring in at the woman I had loved for the last few years. "Go away with me. You can only take so much, Slayer. Underneath it all, you're just a girl. A lost, hurt, girl."

My fate was in her hands - the hands of the Slayer. It was obvious how worn down she was and yet she was fighting, barely, but still fighting. There was nothing to not admire. The last year when she had taken me as her part time lover had been my own personal heaven, but a lie. However, I missed that. Now, she was untouchable again. I knew it now. I understood it. She deserved the best. Even after I had gotten my soul for her, I simply wasn't enough. Even a bloody pounce like myself could see that she was above me. "Just... I have a place, not far from here - about two to three hours. I wanna take you there... **alone**. It's close enough so that if something happens we can be back but far enough to let you relax."

Buffy bit her tongue, trying to suppress the first smile of her day when she saw him look at her body. He always had a way of making her forget everything – never once had he failed. Spike's voice was soothing as she heard her name escape him, followed shortly by him calling her pet. As she struggled to focus on his words rather than the things she missed doing to him, she looked at his lips move. As he continued, she closed her eyes to blink before looking back into his. Was he really asking her to run away with him? There was no way she could. She had to stay here and fight, didn't he know it was her job? To protect everyone from the first evil – to save the day again then go on waiting for the next big bad to come along.

Recognition clicked when he finished, of course he didn't mean abandon the fight, he was simply offering her time to rest – relax. As she thought it over she watched his face and the emotions crossing his eyes before he spoke once more. It sounded so perfect – going off with him all alone. The way things were not even a year ago… It was so tempting to just go back and fall into his arms again. Why not? He was there for her, he'd been there for her for years now. Even before his soul – and after he learned he could fight with his chip. He stuck around for her, not because he had to. "Yes," was all she could manage to say before turning to grab her coat and a pair of sweat pants. She couldn't just go down there wearing her shorts.

**[I./II.]** Watching her turn to grab something, my breath hitched. "I've already called Clem, he said the place will be ready tonight. Um... it will just be us, Clem might pop in, but just us. I... I won't try-" My words stop. All I had to do was close my eyes to relive the hell that I had done. Her screams were all that my head could wrap around. The way that she had been beneath me, trying to push me off. Jaw clenched, I forced my eyes open to see her with only sweat pants and a coat. Something along the lines of a gigglesnort came from me - awkward really. "Bloody hell, Slayer. I didn't mean just for a night... I - for the weekend. It will take a lot more than just a day to clear out that mess in your noggin." Though she had stepped back, I didn't dare step into her room. "Pack clothes for a weekend - include a bikini or swimsuit." Just as I was about to turn to let her pack, I remembered. "Boots. Don't forget boots, luv." With a grin, I reached in her room, careful not to step in, and tugged the handle. "I'll meet you in the living room." The door closed, leaving me along with a ridiculous grin on the other side.

I felt as if pressure had just been taken from my chest. She had said yes. After my attempt to rape her last year, she still trusted me. It felt good. Even after all the shit I had put her through, she was still by my side. A potential slayer's knocking on the restroom door slapped me back into reality. "Come on! I've gotta use the loo too!" Almost with a chuckle, I gripped the stair railing and headed downstairs. On the couch sat two girls talking about weapons. Giles was not far off. _Shit._

**[II./II.]** Giles. He had always hated me. Looking back up at the stairs, my mind grasped the idea that maybe it wasn't such a good plan to take Buffy away with me for a weekend... _alone_. Xander and Giles would want my hands and fangs before going, not to mention a lower tool. She'd have to tell them - that, or I'd get a bloody stake through the heart. Just as the thought was finished, Xander looked up from the stake he was sharpening. Glaring, I scoffed and made my way to the kitchen to find a rather small figure trying to cook. The water was boiling and the contents were beyond cooked. Macaroni again. Dawn was never meant to cook. Sitting at the bar, my eyes watched her parade around. "Ugh. Spike, where's Buffy?"

"She'll be down in a minute, Lil' Bit." An admiring expression came over my face. "Need help?" My cocked brow made it clear that I meant it. Her head nodded and I stood, tossing the mess she had made directly into the sink. "Let's start new then, shall we?"

[I]

Without bothering to question him, Buffy let him close the door and leave – hearing his little snort echo in her mind. It was soothing, just the thought of being alone with him was soothing. Everything was such a mess, but she knew Spike could make everything better. He always knew just what to do and say. Quietly, she pulled her duffle bag out from under her bed and began throwing some clean clothes in it. Folding would take too much time so she rolled everything up and shoved it in – including a bikini as he'd requested. Her boots would go in last, so she kicked them to her bed from the closet as she walked out carrying two jackets and a cute shirt she'd bought not too long ago. Clothes hadn't been priority lately, so if she was going away she was going to dress nicely. Just the thought of being alone with Spike had her planning just what to wear and how to wear it.

Since the incident last year in her bathroom things had been off between them. Though it had come off like he wouldn't have stopped, deep down Buffy knew he'd never push her that far. Everything she'd said had come out because she was hurt, and she knew she'd have to take time and make it up to him. All the things she'd put him through – she felt as though she deserved that. Spike had loved her, and she'd treated him like scum because she was afraid to be happy.

[II]

Once her bag was packed, Buffy stepped out of her shorts and into her sweatpants then pulled on the jacket she had grabbed earlier. As she stepped out into the hallway she heard the sigh of relief from one of the potentials along with the opening of the bathroom door. Closing her eyes, she made her way to the stairs and took them two at a time in a rush to just be gone. It was going to be nice, not having to share a house with a bunch of little girls. Getting away from it all – just her and Spike. It was almost like a fairytale in a way. A sick twisted fairytale that nobody would ever read, but for her it was the greatest thing. Glancing around the living room she saw Xander working on stakes, Giles ranting to Andrew about something, and a couple of the potentials chatting about weapons on the couch so she made her way to the kitchen. Just as she was about to walk in, Buffy stopped in her tracks. "_Let's start new then, shall we?_" she heard Spike's sweet voice followed by Dawn's. They were cooking, together.

Seeing them there together brought a soft overdue smile to her tired face. They seemed to be getting along, which hadn't happened since before Dawn found out about the 'almost rape'. After a minute she decided to walk in and clear her throat, afraid of looking creepy standing there watching them. "I'm all ready." She smiled over at Spike.

**[I./II.]** I put some of the water in her hair, flicking it at her as I filled the new pot with water. Her giggling made me grin, before putting out my elbow so I could have room to place the water on the stove. "All right. Spikey gives. Bloody hell. You Summers never give up." Just then, the older Summers cleared her throat. Turning, Dawn smashed her rump into mine, pushing me to the side and away from the stove. Luckily Anya came walking in, sniffing the air with a wrinkled nose. "Help her, Anya?" She nodded and looked over the ingredients. Mac-n-cheese, part two.

Nearly choking on the air I sucked in, I offered to take her bag. "Um, pet, don't you think you ought to speak with your Watcher?" His voice could be heard in the living room, now talking to a potential about her mess up on something. My appearance went from strong and confident, playful even, to that of a kicked puppy. Holding her bag, rather light for what I had expected of a girl - much less Buffy. So, sighing like a teen meeting his girlfriend's father for the first time, I motioned to the living room. "Can't leave the fort without telling the... guard." Though, obviously scared, I had a feeling that Buffy would get her way - that I would get my way.

**[II./II.]** I began to walk, with her at my side, and a grin on my face. "Go. I'll be here." I stood at the end of the stairs, in perfect sight, but not in the living room where the potentials and her Watcher were. Xander began a new stake, Kennedy messing with a sword, and Giles speaking to that one Chinese girl that never understood him. It was a sight to see... especially with Andrew in the background unable to fit in at all. My arms crossed over my chest as I leaned against the railing, tossing the bag on the bottom step. I'd wait forever for her - for as long as I was alive, I'd be there for her. Surely she knew that.

"Try to hurry, pet? Gotta get on the road. Can't be driving in day and I'd rather us not chance that." I wanted another cigarette. My lungs yearned for the feeling. I rarely smoked in the house, disrespect for Joyce. She never liked my habit, but never told me otherwise. So, still in her name, I did not smoke in the house. Basement, sure - never complained about that!

[I]

When Dawn bumped into Spike Buffy let a quiet laugh escape her lips before turning to see Anya walk in. It took her a minute to realize what it was Spike was asking Anya to help Dawn with, then she remembered Dawn was cooking. With a sad shake of her head she backed up into the dining room, ready to leave. Then Spike mentioned Giles and her head spun. He was right, she should let Giles know, but telling him she was taking off for the weekend would only result in a fight – one she didn't care much for. It had to be done though, she had no choice. Once Spike took her bag she walked out to the foyer a looked in at Giles. He was talking to the little girl who couldn't understand a word he was saying and likewise.

When Spike said he'd be by the staircase she took one last look at him, keeping it with her to focus on as she went through the unbearable task of letting everyone know she'd be alone with Spike for the weekend. Knowing full well that they'd put up a fight she decided not to beat around the bush – it would only make this task that much harder – so she dove right in.

[II]

"I'm going with Spike for the weekend. We'll be close in case you need me, I've got my phone. Don't bother trying to stop me because it won't work." She spoke just as she stopped in front of Giles and looked him square in the eye. "_Buffy it would be best if you didn't…_" Giles began, but she held up a hand to stop him just as Xander stood up. "Stop, both of you," her eyes glanced between the two men acting like they could stop her. "I'm going and we're not going to discuss it or fight about it. You have no choice but to let me go, so don't bother." She crossed her arms and looked at them waiting for their rebuttal but they both seemed to be unable to come up with a valid explanation to stop her. So she turned on her heal and walked back to Spike, ready to leave.

"Lets go before one of them tries to say something." She smirked and grabbed her bag to head out. Giles and Xander were the hardest people to deal with sometimes, but she loved them. Even if Giles often tried to tell her what to do and Xander often over-stepped his boundaries, they were important to her. She just didn't care much for their opinions when it came to Spike – they didn't understand her like he did.

**[I./II.]** Watching her walk with pride made my heart want to break. It was obvious that she actually wanted to go. Her words were stern and almost harsh to hear, but they were well needed. Her friends were first to speak, to say no and try to make an excuse. They were failing. Wrong. _Failed_. They failed. She hurried back to me, with her bag now in her hand. Quickly taking the bag back from her, I winked and opened the door. Lil' Bit stood in the opening of the kitchen and smiled at me. I could not deny how surprised I was. She was tiny, and hated me with damn good reasons, but she was strong. She was a Summers. All the Summers girls like me. Funny.

Closing the door behind us, I glanced back at the large house. One wouldn't guess that a warrior lived in there, that a goddess was the head carrier of the home. Just as expected, as slick as he was, Clem had arranged to have my old De Soto parked in front of the house. Silently thanking him, I opened the door for her, for my love, and placed her bag in the back seat. After letting her in, I closed the door and ran to the other side of the car. "Bloody hell," sitting in the driver's seat, I felt around for a pair of keys. "Where did he bloody-" My hand came in contact with the filler piece that was designed to block the sun between the driver's and passenger's sun shade - the little flap thingy as Clem called it.

**[II./II.]** The keys fell into my lap and I chuckled, shaking my head. Looking over to the Slayer, my grin froze. She was so beautiful. If I didn't trust her, or bloody well like her, she would have ended up with lots of stress and not a vacation. This place was personal, my own personal home. Diving the keys into ignition, the car roared to life. Peeling away the flaps on the front window to prevent sun from getting in, I began our little ride.

"Feel free to fidget with the radio. Should be a tape in there, Ramones - not sure if you like them, pet. Good stuff." Nearly out of the Hellhole - literally. A sign telling us that we were leaving Sunnyhell was plenty for me to drive a little bit faster. Pure excitement ran through my veins. All I wanted to do was take the pet alone for a little relax time. Though I yearned for her, still needed her, I wouldn't do much of anything. This was meant to be her time - her alone time. I would have bloody well left her up there alone, but her driving skills? No. Couldn't have my tired girl on her way up to a foreign place all alone. Wouldn't be right and proper.

[I]

Buffy smiled proudly as she followed him outside to the car, which confused her. She wasn't aware he still had his car – he'd been driving the motorcycle since she was brought back. Still though, she followed him and whispered a thank you when he opened the door for her. Sometimes he did things that just surprised her, like opening her door. Chivalry was not something she expected from Spike of all people, but he never failed with it. As she waited for him to get in the car she pulled her hair up into a high pony tail so it wouldn't bother her as they drove. When he got in and fumbled around looking for his keys she hid the grin that covered her face before buckling her seat belt and sitting back for the ride.

As he began driving, Buffy smiled over at him. He looked so handsome in the dim light coming through the covered windows. She glanced over her shoulder at the house once more, half expecting Giles or Xander to appear at the door, but they didn't and she was glad. It was good to be free of her duties – if only for a moment. This was going to be a nice trip, and she wouldn't let anything ruin it.

[II]

"I wanna be sedated!" Buffy exclaimed before letting out a soft laugh. She hadn't listened to music in such a long time, so she turned the radio on quietly before turning back to him. The sign saying that they were leaving Sunnydale warmed her cheeks. It was like a weight being lifted and they hadn't even been gone that long. "You can smoke if you want, I know you haven't since before you came to get me…" she looked at his lips once more. Though she'd never voice it, when he smoked he looked much more irresistible. A part of her wanted to ask for a cigarette – just to try it. Never before had it crossed her mind to smoke, but something about it seemed tempting. Like she'd be letting go of all the rules she'd lived by for so long, which would be a welcomed release.

"So what will we be doing when we get there?" She asked, not sure if he planned to do anything with her. Knowing Spike he had it in his head that she'd want to be alone, but it was the opposite of what she wanted. All that she could think of was spending time with him once more. She'd never felt as alive as she had when she was with him – but then she'd let it all go because she didn't know how to let him love her.

[I./II.] I heard her words about a cigarette and my hands went straight for my coat pocket. Pulling a cigarette from the carton, I yanked out my Zippo and lit it quickly. Always knew what I wanted, always. However, her question made me grin. "Now, now Slayer, not much of a surprise if you know, now is it?" I turned to look at her before starin at the road again. -Two hours later- I pulled into the tree shaded road and drove down about twelve miles. Hitting a pad in my car, a wall peeled away, revealing a private road up to a nice sized home. Under my breath, I mummbled, "home, sweet home."

**[II./II.]** I parked the car in the driveway, hurried out of the car and stared at the house. It had been years since I'd been there, visited my own home. I shut my door and headed to the other side, opening the door for the Slayer and stepping back. "This is it. We can eat first or, if you're tired, go on to bed. It's late. Judging around midnight..." After she got out, I snatched out her back and closed the door. My spare hand almost slipped to her lower back, but I kept myself from doing so. I motioned to the house, "come on, pet. Don't want Spike as a big pile of dust soon, do ya?"

Buffy smiled at him and shook her head, "It's not... But you know how I hate surprises." The second part she mumbled under her breath, knowing he wouldn't tell her regardless, so she sat back and relaxed for the ride as she watched him smoke. Something about the way he looked with a cigarette in his hand - he just looked so perfect there before her. The urge to just lean over and kiss his neck was tempting, but she fought it off and kept her eyes on the road before them. When he pulled off onto what seemed to be a private road two hours later, her eyes widened and she sat up straight. The house was so beautiful. When he parked in the driveway she took her seat belt off and reached for the door just as he opened it.

"You know, some people say chivalry is dead." she smirked, unable to resist the comment. He seemed to be on his best behavior tonight. When he walked to the door and opened it for her, she walked in and took a deep breath in awe as she looked around. "This is amazing..." she whispered before glancing back at him, "Get in here dust boy." she smiled and thought for a second. "I'm not tired or hungry."

The urge to pull her to my chest was almost too much. Closing and locking the door behind myself, my nose caught the scent of her hair. Lilac. My eyes closed and my nose twitched, I wanted her. My lower region was growing stiff, simply by her scent. Stepping away, I motioned to the stairs. "Let me show you to your room, in case you want to change or rest." I began to lead the way, looking to be sure she was following. Opening a door, a luxurious room was revealed. "The bathroom is there, it connects our rooms. I think I'll change into something more comfortable.."

Buffy took in a deep breath as she saw something in his eyes change, the passion she'd grown to love when they were together was there. He looked so sweet before her - taking her in like she was something special - and just as she was about to say something he spoke. "Alright." she said quietly before following him. When he opened the door her jaw nearly dropped and she stepped in as she listened to him. The bathroom being the only thing that separated them comforted her as she turned to face him once more, reaching for her bag. "I think I will too." she smiled and took it before backing up a step or two. Being close to him now was just too tempting... She wasn't sure what he wanted - though she had idea - but she knew what she wanted and it was him.

Smiling, I nodded. "I'll meet you in the hall or living room. It gets cold here at night so I'll start a fire for us." It was harder than I thought to leave. Closing the door was hardest. In my room, I opened the door to the restroom so I could hear her if needed. Tossing my shirt aside, I closed the curtains and pulled out a pair of pajamas. Even with her in a different room, I was finding it hard to stay away and so calm. My pants fell to the floor, my shaft erect and now fully nude. My hand took hold of my long member and began to stroke. Eyes closed as I stood there stroking myself while thinking of the petite blond down the hall. Groaning, I opened my eyes and forced my hand away. Still erect, and not yet calm, I opened a drawer looking for pajamas I remembered leaving here.

Quitetly, she tip-toed to the bed and set her bag down. She opened it and pulled out a pair of flannel pants and a black tank top. As she changed she debated whether or not to wear a sweater, finally deciding against it when she'd finished. Picking up her bag, she walked slowly to the bathroom to wash her face and run a brush through her hair. Buffy paused with her hand on the knob - listening though she knew he would be silent - then slowly twisted it and opened the door a crack. Without thinking she opened it completely when she saw him standing there in all his glory. Was he stroking himself? Before she had time to do or say a thing he'd moved and she turned to face the sink. Quickly she turned on the cold water and cupped her hands under it before splashing her face and standing up straight to pull her hair out of the rubber band that held it up. She pulled a brush from her bag and ran it through her hair as she thought of Spike and nearly doubled over as the familiar heat rose in her lower abdomen, spreading throughout her.

Hearing the water kick on made my jump. My desire throbbed and it became painfully obvious that I wanted her. Covering my manhood, my eyes gazed at the bathroom door. Again, her screams came to mind of our last encounter in a bathroom together. Pain and guilt took over my desire, causing me to clench my jaw and look away. I pulled out a pair of sweatpants that I had lifted off of Xander during my stay at his house. I then slipped on a black t-shirt. Had she seen me? Did she even- I couldn't get my hopes up like that. She was haunting me. Instead of approaching her, I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I had to get up though. Had to. I crept downstairs and, as promised, I began to build a fire. Standing in front of it, I ran one of my hands through my jelled back hair leaving it in a curly mess. I retired at the foot of the couch before the fire waiting for the girl. "Can't hurt the girl... Can't hurt the girl..." I was still punishing myself for touching her, for hurting her. It was always about her.

Buffy's eyes fell closed as she ran a hand through her hair, refusing to acknowledge the growing wetness between her legs. Shaking her head she picked up her bag and carried it back to the room before setting it down again at the foot of the bed. Slowly she walked out and down the staircase before stopping at the foot of the stairs. Spike was building the fire and he looked troubled. He was wearing something unfamiliar but nonetheless easy on the eyes. When she saw him sit down she walked in and heard him talking to himself. With a soft smile she tried to make a joke, "Are you under the control of the first again? I'd hate to have to hurt you..." she smirked and sat beside him - closer than she would have dared to back at the house. "Hurt who?" she asked, unable to kill the curiosity.

Feeling her so close made my eyes close. She smelt so good. Now with pajamas, she almost seemed at ease. I wanted her trust, wanted to earn it back. Licking my lips and staring into the fire, I smiled. "Not the first. No worries, pet. Just relax. Want anything?" My eyes slid over her legs, up her torso, freezing at her perky breasts, and continued to her face. I knew exactly what I wanted. Tearing my eyes from her, I rested my hands in my lap. "Clem brought food over during our drive - should have plenty for the weekend and longer if needed. Um.. I believe there's ice cream if you'd like some." Again my eyes dared to steal a look at her. Again, I was growing hard. It'd be hard to hide a tent in these pants.

Buffy looked down and laughed softly when he said he wasn't under the control of the first and not to worry. The fire was beautiful but she couldn't keep herself from turning to look at him. As she watched his eyes skim over her body - stopping at her breasts briefly - then resting finally on her eyes she had to fight the blush she felt. He made her feel like a girl, not just the chosen one. Like there was more to her than her destiny. When he mentioned ice cream her mind wandered off with the possibilites before he continued. Mentioning Clem helped her to focus, he was the only demon she'd met and not hated. "I'm fine." she smiled and rested her chin on her shoulder as she looked at him, her arms crossed and resting on her knees. All she really wanted was for him to hold her, but she knew she couldn't just expect him to. "You know I don't blame you, right?" she asked - unable to stop herself.

Her words made me want to grab here in my arms, drag her up the steps, and ravish her. However, clearing my throat also cleared my mind in some awkward way. It was funny actually. Everything about her was swimming in my mind, driving me mad and full of lust. My nostrils flared, the thought of my hands on her body. My left leg shifted up into a triangle so she couldn't see the stiffness growing in my jeans. Why was she doing this? How was she? Always amazed me with her powers. Everything about her made me simply want her more than ever before. With a moment to calm myself, she stood and my eyes stared at her ripe rump. My bloody luck. I looked away just in time to see her hand down. My nodding was enough to say yes. Our hands collided, skin on skin, cold against heat. I stood and smiled, looking deep in her eyes. This girl, so crazy she could make me with a slight grin. My face became serious, however, when I glanced towards the staircase. "Slayer, are you sure? I mean... After..." My eyes fell to the floor, obvious pain written over my pale features. "What I did..." My jaw clenched and this sickening horror corrupted my mind. "Maybe I shouldn't, not tonight."

Buffy looked at him, wanting more than anything to lean in and kiss him like she used to. To just show him how she felt, let him know she couldn't imagine going another day without being in his arms. His feelings were obvious now as she looked in his eyes, if only she could bring herself to show him that he was the only thing keeping her sane anymore. "Bed, right." she nodded then looked over her shoulder towards the stairs. "Spike... Will you come with me? Hold me." She whispered her last two words and looked deep into his penetrating eyes. It was like he could see through anything but the wall she put up. Didn't he know she wanted him still - needed him? Slowly she pulled herself up to her feet and looked down at him, holding out her hand. If he was ever going to know how she felt she'd have to show him. Everything in her told her to take him upstairs and make him feel what she felt, would that be so wrong? To let herself be happy. They were alone and nothing was stopping them now but themselves. Memories of the night he'd tried to rape her came back and she closed her eyes for a second before opening them to focus on him once more. He was all she wanted, and she had to let him know.

She had to of known what her eyes were doing to me. I couldn't stand to  
stare into those eyes, the guilt was too much. Touching her was almost  
too much for me to bear. "Of course this week is for you, pet, only for  
you." My eyes stared down at her, almost unable to hold back from  
kissing her back. When our lips met, it was like my stomach went into  
knots. All I wanted was to love her right and proper. Even during the  
previous year it was what I wanted. All she would do was use me  
angrily, fuck me and leave. She never let me just hold her, love her  
like she deserved. Never was I allowed to make love to her, show her  
just how much I cared for her. Always rough, never soft. Even I hadn't  
been completely satisfied with the relationship, but for a short time,  
she had indeed been mine. Pulling from the kiss, my hands lingered only  
inches from her hips. "I- oh Slayer."

Buffy looked at him and her hands fell from his face to his hands, moving them to her hips. "Please Spike. I don't care about it, none of it. Not without you. I would give up everything..." She sighed and looked down - tears threatening to flood her eyes - he just didn't understand. How could she make it clear to him that she deserved what he'd done. She had used him and abused him when all she really wanted was to love him. He had let her have her way time and time again, only because he loved her. He would do anything for her, and she knew it, so she played it to her advantage. Not anymore though, now she was going to let him have his way, she just needed to make that clear to him. How though? How could she tell the man she had tortured for so long that she really did love him. "Spike. Just please, I want you to... Tell me you love me?" she looked at him, the tears slowly pooling in her eyes but not yet flooding over.

Staring into her eyes was enough to bring me to grab her hips when she placed my hands there. Tugging her to me, my lips found her neck, caressing and kissing in the most delicate ways that I knew she loved. _Spike. Just please, I want you to... Tell me you love me?_ My heart wanted to break. Of course I loved her! Always. Pulling back from her neck, my ocean eyes locked on her chocolate hues. Rubbing her cheek, my face searched her's. Was she fully aware of what she was doing? Could this be some spell? All I had ever wanted was to love her - to be loved back! Now though? It had been so long. It felt almost like forever. A year passing without being able to touch her, to simply hold her in my arms, was enough to make anyone go mad.

Cradling her face in between the palms of my hands, I kissed her forehead and pulled back to lock eyes. "Buffy, I love you." My lips touched her left cheek. "Always loved you." They go to the right. "Never stopped." I released her face, now holding her hips closer to me. "If you only knew what you do to me, Slayer. If only you knew," I rubbed my lower region against her, allowing her the chance to feel just what I was talking about. "Since I first saw you earlier, in those sexy little shorts." My jaw clenched and nostrils flared, "couldn't dare take you from my mind. Even before that, never stopped."

When he pulled her to him, her breath caught and she looked deep into his eyes before letting hers close as he kissed her neck. She bit her lower lip and let all her feelings surface – the passion and love she felt for him. All she'd ever wanted was right here before her, and all she had to do was let him know. Buffy planned to do just that tonight, she'd make sure he knew everything. When he pulled back from her neck she opened her eyes to look at him once more, so ruggedly handsome there – wanting her. Then his hands were up, cradling her face. It was just the right thing to keep her from falling apart. She needed contact at all times or she'd simply die, the pain was unbearable. His words seemed distant, though she knew they were coming out of his mouth as he spoke them. Everything seemed to be fading away other than him. Nothing mattered anymore. He loved her. When he rubbed himself against her a soft moan escaped her.

"Oh Spike…" She whispered, kissing his neck then moving her lips up to lightly brush his ear as she spoke. "I love you too." She spoke, barely audible even to her. He had to believe it, he simply had to, because it was what she felt. Never again could she – would she – lie to him. From this point on he'd know everything, there was no going back. He would know now and forever that she loved him every bit as much as he loved her, if not more.

Running my hands over her back, my hands came to rest on her bottom, pulling her closer to me. She was driving me crazy. Every touch, every last kiss. Eyes closed as hands gripped her rump harder, grinding into her with my hips. Releasing a groan as her lips touched my ear, I began to kiss her neck, moving her chin with my left hand so that I could get the angle I wanted. She was so tiny, so petite. Due to the sweatpants, it was obvious just how much I wanted her. I could smell her sweet nectar - the passion rising between her legs. It was warm against me as I grinding towards her body, searching for what I longed for. I could never let her go. I had always loved her. For the past three years I had been in love with her, and to finally have that same feeling returned was an orgasm all in itself.

My hands went from her tight behind, to her hips, trailing to the strings of her pajama pants. My hands quickly undid the knot there, my left hand dipping beneath the fabric towards her womanhood. The warmth was growing stronger. I could smell her juices even more so now. One thing I loved about being a vampire was my keen nose - if not for it, I'd never be able to appreciate her scent like I was now and earlier with her hair. Kissing her neck still, my eyes shot open. _What are you doing?_ I released her completely, stepping back, and trying to hide my erection. I didn't deserve her. I had hurt her. "Buffy... I-... We-..." I closed my mouth, unable to find words, with hurt all over my face. "Is this-... are you sure? Do you know what you're doing, pet?" I had to give her a chance to come to her senses, to deny me like she had for so long. This couldn't be real, just simply couldn't be. Trying desperately to catch my breath and hide my hardened cock that was now pitching a tent in my sweatpants, I stood before her like I had many times: Awaiting her judgment.

Buffy felt chills as his hands traveled over her back to her bottom and let out a low breath she hadn't realized she was holding in. When he groaned she smiled lightly to herself, happy to hear his pleasure at her touch. His lips on her neck made her want to take him straight upstairs and the feeling of his arousal against her sent her into a whirlwind of pleasure. Slowly she ran one hand through his hair and the other down his back, clawing at him almost – wanting to feel him closer. It was like the world was falling apart in the right way, almost apart to be together again. He made everything clear to her, he was all she ever thought of anymore. All that she dreamt of and saw – he was the air she breathed. Being in his arms felt so right to her; and she knew that if she couldn't be with him for the rest of her life she'd never know happiness again.

Slowly she dug her nails into him as his hand trailed to her hips, then down to the wetness growing between her legs. She leaned into him, loving the feel of him so close to where she felt he belonged. Just then, something changed in him, he was with her then he wasn't, and all she needed was to feel his body close to hers once more. He seemed to be doubting himself – something in his head had gone wrong – she could see it in his eyes when he pulled away from her and let her go. Looking up to avoid staring at his obvious erection, she listened to him try to find words. "_Is this-… are you sure? Do you know what you're doing, pet?_" Nothing had hurt her more than those words coming from his mouth. Of course she knew what she was doing, couldn't he see that? She wanted to love him the way he deserved to be loved and he was acting as though he didn't deserve her. If anything, she didn't deserve him after all this time of torturing him slowly; or rough and quickly depending on how you looked at it. Her arms moved to cross over her chest before she looked at him, determined now. "Spike you know me, better than anyone in this world. You know me better than I know myself, and for some reason you love me. I can't imagine what makes you feel anything for me – but you do. I love you and I know that I love you too. Would I be doing this if I weren't sure of that?"

Looking at her, with her arms crossed, made me want to pick her up and carry her on up the steps. That serious look. Those lips. _Would I be doing this if I weren't sure of that?_ The vivid images of us having sex last year sprang to mind. I couldn't decide on what I wanted to do. I wanted her, right on the rug before the fire, on the couch, against the wall, on the floor, on the table. So many places where I could take her and make her mine, but yet, I was hesitating. The next choice would be the hardest, I knew it even before the decision came to mind. Clearing my throat, and releasing a shaky breath, I tore my eyes from her. I didn't deserve her. She was beautiful and strong. She deserved a man, not a _monster_. Even with a soul, I was still just a monster. Clenching my jaw, I looked down with closed eyes and took in a deep, angry breath. Releasing it slowly, I unclenched my jaw. "Pet, I think it'd be best if we just went to sleep."

I wanted to have her in my arms sleeping. Just to feel her again. That scent. Though far away, I could still smell her arousal. It was teasing my nose, tickling my own excitement. I couldn't look at her. Nodding slowly, my nostrils flared and I took in another deep breath. "I'll wake you early." _Turn around, Spike. Walk away. Go. __**GO.**_ Without another word I made my way up the stairs and into my room. Closing the door behind myself, I leaned against the wood with my hands over my face. "Bloody hell Spike. Don't deserve her... what the hell were you thinking?" I sighed, walking to my windows to be sure my curtains were closed, cracked the bathroom door slightly, and climbed my nude self into bed. She'd be close still. So very, very close.

Buffy's heart shattered when he said it would be best if they just went to sleep. It wasn't just because she wanted more than anything to show him the many ways she loved him, but because she wanted to lie in his arms and feel safe again. The way she felt when they were together last year – though nobody but Tara knew – it was like being alive and dead at the same time. Feeling loved and wanted was nothing unless it was Spike loving and wanting her, and by shutting him out she'd made the biggest mistake of her life. It killed her to think of how she'd treated him, the things she'd done to him. How could he look at her and not want to rip her head off? Every time she looked at herself she wanted to. She wanted to beat and mutilate herself whenever she thought of how she'd treated him. Many nights she'd dreamt of the way it should have been but never once had she let it be. Everything was just royally fucked and she'd made it that way.

When he turned and left she felt everything heat up as tears began flooding from her eyes. Slowly, she made her way up the stairs a moment or two after him, not wanting him to hear her. When she reached her room she walked in and straight to the bed, not bothering to turn the sheets down. The light was already off so it was dark besides the moonlight pouring in from the windows as she laid in the bed crying softly to herself, "Why can't he see?" she whispered, "I just want him to know how much I love him. Can't he see that?" her words were lost in the quiet sobs escaping her as she curled up into a ball in the center of the big bed wishing he was there with her.

Hearing her door close made me jump slightly. Oh how I wanted to rush in there, pull her in my arms, and make love to her. It almost sounded as if shd were crying. It tore at my heart even more so. However, all I could think was that I had done her a favor. She didn't need a monster, she needed a man. This weekend was meant for her to get away and relax, not for me to seduce her. Running my hands over my face, I glanced down to find a still very erect me. Groaning, I looked through the crack in my door leading to the bathroom. It appeared as if her door was shut. Throwing the blanket off myself, laying nude on my back, I began to stroke myself with closed eyes. I pictured Buffy riding me, moving slow and loving. I couldn't stiffle the moan that came from my stroking and calling her name softly. My hand moved faster and my breath came in pants. Glancing with one eye, I looked to the ccracked door. No sounds from her end. My eyes closed again and I began to stroke harder. Just as I was about to cum, my hand froze. What was I doing? How could I have denied her? I loved her and yet I denied her... It didn't make sense. Trying to calm down, I remained in my bed motionless considering what I should do.

It felt like she had been crying for hours, but it wasn't nearly that long. Slowly Buffy began breathing normally and pulled herself out of the bed. She felt like she was a fool, ruining the one good thing she ever had. Instead of laying down to sleep she walked to the bathroom door and stopped with her hand on the knob. She heard a quiet moan followed by her name in Spike's rugged voice. Suddenly the noises coming from his room stopped, so she pulled the door open trying not to make a noise. Without bothering to check if his door was open she found the shower and turned the water on, checking it with her hand to make sure it was hot. She needed to shower, she felt dirty, stupid, and she hoped the shower might help calm her. Once she was happy with the temperature of the water she peeled her clothes off and stepped in, letting it run over her body wishing Spike was there with her.

I remained on my back, trying to remain calm. Suddenly, her door opened ans I looked up, half expecting her to walk in here. However, I heard the shower kick on instead. Thinking of her getting naked with water running over her body excited me more so. Bloody hell! What was wrong with me? I couldn't stay calm worth a damn. I heard sounds from the shower notifying me that she was now under the water. I had to make a decision. This could be the last time she'd ever give me a chance and I couldn't let it pass me by. "Bloody hell. Here goes nothin'" I stood from the bed and began to walk to the bathroom. My eyes widened. The bathroom? I wasn't about to do as I had before, I couldn't. At the door, I rested my hand on the knob, and closed my eyes. "Not like that. It's not like that. It's different," I whispered to myself. Silently, I pushed the door open and opened my eyes. The images of Buffy beneath me, screaming, echoed in my head. Had to get over it at some point. I slipped into the bathroom, leaving the door open behind myself, and took a deep breath. Slipping in the shower behind her, my hands went to her hips, and my lips went to her shoulder. "Buffy... Luv, I'm so sorry."

The water felt nice as it rushed over her body, the steam clouding her eyes. On hand ran down her chest to the wetness Spike had caused and she rubbed herself gently with thoughts of his sweet face in her mind. She remembered all the nights they'd slept together, the time she'd spent with him, abusing him. Her hand moved up to her shoulder just after a soft moan escaped her. All of this made no sense to her. He was making her crazy. Just as her hands found her arms, crossing over her chest, she heard the door open. Without turning around she knew it was him, and then his lips were on her shoulder - his hands on her hips. She turned to face him, pressing her wet body against his and pressing into him, feeling him. "Just let me love you Spike, please?" She whispered before her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips found his.

Her words made me grin and I welcomed the kiss. Pulling her to me, still erect, I rubbed myself against her lower region. "Love eachother, pet." I began kissing at her neck, running my hands over her body. So soft and small beneath my touches. A hand left her side, reached behind her, and turned off the water. It wasn't proper to make love to her in the shower. Wasn't right or fair. I backed out of the shower, grabbing a towel and pulling her to me. "Not the right place, I need you. All of you." The towel was meant for her, but I couldn't stop staring at her naked body. I tossed it aside, grabbed her in my arms, and carried her to my bed. Placing her on the soft surface, I looked down at her small frame. "So beautiful..." Clenching my jaw, I slid on the bed between her legs, kissing her neck and fondling her full breasts.

When he spoke Buffy felt everything fall into place. Without a second thought she kissed him, forgetting everything else that had ever happened. The water shutting off was barely noticed until he pulled her out and grabbed a towel. Just as she was about to take it from him she was swept up and into his room, then laid down on his bed. She welcomed his cool skin against hers when he layed down between her legs, the wet spot he'd created earlier now hot and ready for him to claim. She pulled his face to hers to kiss his cold lips, wanting nothing more than to make proper love to him. "Take me Spike," she whispered, needing to feel him inside of her. The hunger she'd felt so many times before came rushing back as she kissed his neck and ran her hands down his toned back. "Show me how you love me." she whispered to him once more as the heat pooled inside of her. Buffy felt as though she'd explode if he didn't make her his soon.

My lips moved with her's, my tongue darting between her lips to massage her own. The heat of her body against mine was enough to drive me up a wall. A hand went between us as she spoke, begging me to take her. I, however, was not ready just yet. The hand between us slid between her legs, the pad of my thumb rubbing her clit. In circles I stroke her, feeling her hot juices against my cold skin. After a few seconds of playing and getting her ready, I pulled my thumb away, licking her sweet nectar from it before using the same hand to stroke my cock for a second. Using both hands to steady myself above her, I moved up, slowly pushing my thick nine inches inside of her tiny body. Groaning from her heat, I pressed my lips to her's, allowing her time to adjust.

Feeling his thumb against her clit, Buffy let out a small moan. He knew just what to do - he'd never let her down. Spike knew every little thing that set her off, and just how to get her going. When he pulled his thumb away Buffy whimpered in protest, but it was quickly replaced by the feeling of his familiar nine inches. Every part of her body was alert, her nerves were tingling as he kissed her. She let a moan out into the kiss before running her tongue over his lower lip then gently biting it. He was driving her wild, and she loved every second of it. This time it was different, it meant something for both of them and he knew it. Never before had she let him love her and knew she loved him back, but from this moment on she'd never let that happen again. "I love you, I love you..." she whispered, barely audible between soft moans, finally adjusting to him.

Groaning into her mouth, I felt her body preparing. Looking down at her, I moved my hips back, pulling my cock from her wet pussy. Eyelids dropped at the sensation of her walls moving over my length. Clamping my mouth around her left breast, I began to lick and suck on her nipple. Just when it felt as if I was going to exit her body, I moved forward again, forcing my full length inside of her again. My teeth nipped at her soft breast and I stiffled a moan. Moving faster, I moved my hips back and then forward again. Finally releasing her breast, I returned my mouth to her's for a soft, quick kiss before licking at her neck. Her skin was soft and, like I remembered, warm. She was like an oven against my icy skin. Her juices coated my cock. Her heat consuming and burning as I entered and exited her body. To finally be allowed to make love to her was like a dream. She had never allowed this - the soft touches and gentle kisses. I was now able to show her my love, to let her linger in its arms. "Oh Buffy," I had wanted to hear her say I love you for so long, and now it was happening. With a large grin on my lips, I smothered her mouth with mine for a desperate kiss. "Love you, Buffy. Always love you."

The feel of him moving in and out set fire to her blood, and her nails dug into him when he paid attention to her perky breast. She rolled her head back and let her eyes fall closed, "Oh Spike..." she moaned softly and her toes curled as he plunged back in, filling her with himeself. The one thing she'd needed since the last time they'd been together. She had dreamt of this night, bathed in the dreams of showing him how she truely felt. Now she could tell him every second just how much she wanted to love him forever. Her hips grinded into his when their bodies slid together just right, like the perfect fit - the missing piece to a puzzle. Like she was made to fit with his body. When she felt his lips on her own again her right hand found its way to the back of his neck, running through his hair. "Yes Spike, always." His body was cold, sweet like the perfect remedy for the heat he caused within. It made her feel every kind of right to be there beneath him once more.

Grunting as I moved in and out of her small frame, I closed my eyes, fearing the simple sight of her would set me off. My head fell forward, teeth nipping at her delicate flesh. Every single last move she was doing was setting the desire off. It grew as her hips moved with mine. "Oh, Buffy. Oh, pet." My eyes closed tighter as I moved my large cock out of her tight folds, groaning from her slick juices coating my erect digit. Gripping the sheets beneath her, still supporting myself over her, I began to slide myself back into her tight pussy.

I had always loved the idea of making love to her - it had been a dream for so long. With her beneath me, feeling and caring instead of hard fucking, made the dream come true. My eyes opened, tracing over her curves and latching onto her eyes. My tongue lashed out against my dry lips, a groan not far from my lips. The expression on my face was a mix of awe, love, joy, disbelief, and complete desire. I wasn't sure exactly what I felt, she was driving me mad with every last motion.

Buffy moaned his name and kissed his shoulder as she felt his teeth. It was the most pleasurable feeling in the world – to have him biting at her skin. The most natural thing for him to do, and he did it with the softest touch, not bothering to hurt her the way the monster within would like him to. Spike was a man in her eyes not a monster. He hadn't been a monster to her once since he realized his feelings. She, however, had been the cruelest monster anyone could imagine. Making love to him was everything to her and so much more; to feel the love he felt, how he cared about her. Everything within her burned for him.

His words fueled the passion she was feeling as she ran her hands down his sides, needing him closer. "Oh Spike, I love you." She whispered, pulling his face to hers for a sweet kiss just as their eyes met. The look he gave her was the most honest look she'd ever seen him wear and she couldn't resist telling him once more what she truly felt. He was everything in her world – nothing mattered without him by her side. Everything was finally whole for once, she'd do anything to keep it this way forever.

Groaning into the kiss, I spoke as our mouths parted and came together again. "Buffy... love... love you too... always Buffy... always." My hips drove forward again, crashing against her thin body and hitting a very sensitive spot. My breath was rugged, showing just how much I was holding back from thrusting into her over and over again. I couldn't get enough of this girl. After waiting for so long, wishing and hoping for her touch, I could not let her go. She was the one. Always the one.

My tongue pushed between her slightly parted lips, teasing and massaging her tongue. Our hips met once more, connecting us. As a bit of a surprise for my pet, I pulled back quickly and drove myself home quickly, much harder than before. The action caused me to groan into her mouth - to search her mouth with my tongue more. My erection was becoming painful, almost unbearable. I wanted more. She was what I needed. Slowing my hips, to make the moment last, my lips left her's against to kiss at her neck, her cheeks, every bit of her that I could reach.

His words sank into her mind, bleeding into her thoughts as she wrapped a leg around his waist, needing him closer – needing to feel him inside her forever. His rugged breath sent chills down her spine as she met his lips, then he was teasing her. She moaned and her breath hitched as their hips met, driving her up a wall. Then he pulled out quickly and back in again in the same moment making her moan louder. "Spike, oh Spike… Yes…" She couldn't think anything anymore. Everything but his kiss, his touch, was lost to her. The room faded away and all she saw was his face before hers before his hips slowed and his lips left hers to find everything else they could.

Running her nails up his back, gently but enough to leave marks, she pulled him closer into her with her leg. If he stopped anytime soon she might explode, he was making every bit of her body come to life. One hand moved up to tug lightly at his hair at the bottom of his head, trying to express just what he was doing to her – making her the right kind of crazy. She bit her lower lip and arched her back, pressing herself closer into him.

All that she was doing was driving me crazy. Her touches weren't enough. Driving myself in her tight body, I gritted my teeth and called her name softly. Exiting her body, I laid on my back and tugged her on top of me. Lifting my knees, she slid forward and onto my large cock. Feeling her tight walls clamp and burn me made my eyes close. Both of my hands went to her hips, my head tilting back against my pillow. Staring at her breasts made me grin. If I could blush, I would have. My teeth bit at her right nipple as my left hand dipped between us, rubbing her clit with my thumb and thrusting my hips up. Sucking on her breast, I ran my free hand over her right side, gripping her buttocks and holding her close.

Buffy moaned when she slid down onto him, it felt so good to be there, above him – loving him. She let her hands rest just above his hips to steady herself as she moved up and down on top of him slowly, sliding his large cock in and out of her tight pussy. When she saw his eyes on her she let a small smirk cross her lips just before letting out a soft moan. His thumb on her clit was like the cherry on top, then he thrust up and everything began spinning. She felt like she was in some other world. Her hands moved up to his shoulders, holding him where he was as he sucked her breast. The only thing she could think of was making him feel as good as he made her feel. She kissed his shoulder, moving up to his neck, then began nipping gently at his ear.

Her movements were becoming hard to handle. Grasping her hip with one hand, I helped to steady her while thrusting up as she came down on me. Pulling from her breast, my mouth kissed at her left clavicle, nipping at her neck before groaning against her warm skin. My icy skin felt as if it were burning when she touched me. The Slayer, so human, was warm and full of fresh blood. When her mouth came in contact with my ear, my eyes rolled back in my head. She knew just what to do. My hand gripped her hip harder as my thumb swirled around her clit. Cupping her cheek, I looked into her eyes, groaning and tilting my head back. Nostrils flaring, my face showed the complete passion I was feeling.

His groan sent her into nirvana, every noise he made. She couldn't understand how two people so opposite could fit so perfectly together. His nipping at her neck provoked a sweet moan, "Spike," and she continued kissing at his neck and shoulders. The passion on his face driving her closer to the sweet abiss she needed, she knew. When she felt his hand at her hip she quickened the pace for a second then slowed back down, agonizingly. His thumb still rubbing her clit was the perfect remedy for the frustration she felt pooling inside her from not having him close enough. It was just the right thing to make her drive for the release that much more.

My lower stomach began to tighten, but I held back from my release inside of her. My hips moved up roughly, forcing my cock deep inside of her. My thick inches, now coated in her sweet juices, slid right in, still releasing pleasure and guiding me towards my release. Both of my hands went to her hips, guiding her over my thick, long cock faster and rougher than how we started. Again, I flipped us over, I looked down at her with a grin. My hips moved forward and back, causing my cock to slide in and out of her pussy, making her breasts bounce slightly from my rough movements.

When he changed the position for the second time, Buffy arched her back into him and clawed at his back, she knew she was about to climax and he was too. When she felt him push into her, deeper, harder - roughly - she moaned loudly, unable to stiffle the pleasure he was causing. She bit his shoulder gently before kissing it then pulled his face to hers to kiss him passionately. He had to know how he made her feel, she had to make him know. Every time they'd had sex, every time she'd laid beneath him as he ravashed her, it all meant nothing compared to this time. This moment.

My hips went forward harder, wanting to feel her climax around my cock. Lips met lips and my tongue searched hungrily for hers. Using my right hand to support myself, my left hand dipped between us to rub her clit again. "Cum for me, Buffy. Luv, let me feel you around me." Still thrusting into her, I kissed her deeply and applied more pressure to her clit. It was her alone that could cause such an epic desire in me. She knew what to do at the right time. Buffy couldn't disappoint, that simply never came to mind when I pictured her. This felt right, her beneath me, allowing me to love her right and proper. She was bringing me closer, making me hold back until my girl could finish.

His words sent her into another world as she let her orgasm wash over her. Her head fell back against the pillow and her toes curled as she arched her back. Buffy's hands went from his back to claw at the bed sheets. When he kissed her she moaned into the kiss, trying not to scream his name as she knew she normally would. Everything came together in her head, and Spike was everywhere. When she closed her eyes, when she opened her eyes, he was everywhere within her. Buffy's tongue found Spike's and she kissed him with all the passion flooding throughout her.

Feeling her climax around me caused me to hit my own orgasm. My cum shot into her wet pussy, my body arching forward. Gripping the sheets roughly beneath us prevented me from tearing at her skin. "Buffy!" my eyes closed and breath caught in my throat. After my cum shot in her in four big bursts, I collapsed next to her panting. Oh God. I wanted a cigarette. My head turned, eyes tracing her curves. A smiletook over my face while staring at her. Laying on my back, it seemed like forever for me to grasp my breath. I tugged her in my arms, stroking her hair and simply holding ber. My love. My pet. Better yet, my girl. Lips touched her forehead for a brief moment and left again, allowing my head to retire back on the pillow.

Feeling him cum brought brought a soft smile to her lips as Buffy finally reached the end of her orgasm. He felt so good inside her. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the pillow as Spike rolled over onto his back. When he kissed her she smiled and turned her head to face him. He looked so adorable there beside her, she simply couldn't resist rolling onto her side to rest her head on his chest. "Making love is so much better." she whispered and kissed his chest before rolling back onto her back. For once everything had gone right with them. She wanted nothing to ever change from the way it was in that moment. Her eyes fell closed and one of her arms rested over her chest. He knew just what to do every time, and now she knew what it felt like to really be loved by him. All along she'd known he loved her, but now she knew how much. It was the most extraordinary feeling in the world.

A smile was released from her words. She was beautiful. Nothing could top the sight of her laying there nude next to me. However, it was cold outside and I couldn't risk her getting sick. I moved slightly fo grab the blanket to keep her warm. Holding her close to my chest, my eyes closed. "Sleep here with me. Stay." Kissing her cheek, I rested back with my love in my arms. "We've got a long day tomorrow, pet." My leg rubbed against her's as my legs slightly opened, getting comfortable.

She rested her head on his chest and kissed his neck gently when she felt the blanket. "Always." she whispered when he asked her to stay, "Sleep sounds good." she nodded and let her eyes fall closed as sleep began seeping into her mind. They could finally be together for real now - let everyone know how they really felt. Buffy smiled gently 'Finally' she thought to herself before finally drifting off in the arms of the man she loved , the only man she'd ever love.

**[I./II.]** Her soft locks of hair tickled my chest as her came to a rest on it. I wanted her again. I could never get enough of this girl. Love making was all I had ever wanted from her, and now that I had her, I couldn't get enough. My girl. Always gonna be my girl. It was already around two and it was obvious that she was tired. Our little dance had left her that way. Kissing the top of her head, I held her warm body as she fell asleep. I didn't need the rest, I couldn't calm myself down enough. My mind kept wrapping around the idea that if I fell asleep, she would be gone. I couldn't bear that. I never wanted to let her go. Never. I closed my eyes just for a second, listening to her calm breathing during her sweet slumber.  
_- Six hours later || 8:00 AM -_  
My eyes opened. Had I fallen asleep? Looking down to the tiny girl in my arms, a sigh of relief came from my lips. The digital clock by my side of the bed read eight o'clock. Bloody hell. Silently, and very carefully, I replaced myself in her arms with a pillow. The room was dark due to my heavy curtains, but I could still see. I picked up a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a jacket to go over. My boots were downstairs along with fresh socks, one less thing to worry about. I slid into her room, grabbed warm clothes for her, and placed them on the chair next to the bed. She looked beautiful. To die for.

**[II./II.]** Walking down the steps naked, I took a quick shower in the bathroom down there, getting dressed and ready for the day ahead. I wasn't one to eat, but I knew what she liked. French toast. Thanks to Clem, we had just the stuff to make what I was trying to. My mum's cooking was all I could ever remember. Memories flooded my own and the recipe began to take its course.

Within minutes, I had French toast cooking for my girl. Warming a bag of blood for myself, I remembered a key part of the morning - coffee. With a bit of a groan, I put my blood to the side and began her coffee. While the food was doing its own thing, I went to the window, fully dressed, and stared out. Quite a bit of a surprise for her. Eyes scanned the living room to the fireplace. It had gone out, but there was fresh wood by the side of it. _Clem_. "Thanks, mate." He had always been so helpful. When I told him I was bringing the Slayer up, he was first to jump to get things prepared. Hopefully he hadn't heard us last night/this morning.

[I]

When she woke up the next morning, Spike was no longer holding her. For a second she worried, but she knew he wouldn't go far. Quietly she sat up and stretched, memories of the night before came to her and she fell back onto the bed with her eyes closed. "Yes, yes yes yes yes!" She shrieked silently to herself. Finally everything was right for them. After a second of rolling around in his bed, trying to get out all of her excitement, she stood and walked to the shower. Quickly she got in and washed off, just so she'd smell nice when she joined him. Instead of going back to her room she returned to his wearing a towel, she'd spotted the clothes he left out for her. Without bothering to look at them she pulled them on and smiled to herself as she spun around.

Making her way back through the bathroom, Buffy thought of what she'd say to him. How could anything she could say amount to all the things they'd said the night before. She rummaged through her stuff to find socks and pulled on the boots he'd instructed her to bring before walking back to the bathroom for one last look at herself. It wasn't that she cared, she just wanted to look nicer – for him. Always for him. When she was happy with how she looked she ran a hand through her hair and began the too long walk downstairs to find him.

[II]

Once she reached the bottom step she smelled something and followed her nose to the kitchen. Standing in the doorway she watched him with a proud smile, he was so cute there cooking for her. Buffy waited a moment more before walking in and straight over to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "Good morning handsome." She smiled and kissed his shoulder before letting him go again. Another second and she smelled coffee, so she turned to search for it. Coffee had always been a good friend of hers. She looked around for a moment confused though. Where was all this food coming from?

"Spike?" she asked softly as she looked at the stove where he seemed to have French toast cooking. "Where is all this food from?" she couldn't imagine why he would have food – he was a vampire after all. And the coffee? Last she checked he drank blood. He must have asked someone to stock the place – Clem. She bit the inside of her lip, trying not to smile. He was so on top of things, always thinking about her.

I heard her above, walking and showering. Doing her normal morning things. I looked up for a moment, smiling to myself. The image of her naked body was all I could think about for a split second. My feet carried me back to the kitchen where I found that the French toast needed to be flipped. Her feet coming down the steps caused me to raise a brow. "Three... two..." My words trailed off. She was too close - within hearing distance. Thin arms locked around me and I looked over my shoulder at the tiny girl. She, within seconds, left me for coffee. Bloody smart girl. "Good morning. Thought you might be hungry." Her glass filled and I continued to flip the French toast.

The food? "Um, you can thank Clem for the food. He's only a few miles from here - not that far for a demon. There's trails, he lives off one of the main one's. Gave him a call and he got down to business." With the toast finally done, I grabbed the plate and placed it on the table. Back to warming my blood. I filled a pot with water and waited for it to warm. Dipping my bag in it, the contents heated up. Almost like baby sitting and warming milk. _Nice thought Spike. Compare yourself to a baby, mate._ "Go ahead and eat, I'll only be a second, pet." There had been a single plate set for her, a glass of orange juice, with a fork and knife. Took me not long for my blood to finish, find its way to a cup, and my butt in a chair, across from her at the table. "Sleep well?"

As she waited for his answer, Buffy found a cup and poured some coffee – wasting no time before taking the first sip. It was perfect. When she turned around was flipping the French toast, "That smells so good," she smiled and sat down where he'd set out a glass of orange juice and some utensils. "Thank you." She smiled up at him when he set the plate down in front of her. She set her coffee down and picked up the knife and fork to cut herself a piece. He was at the counter still, warming up his blood. Most people would be bothered by him drinking blood, but for her it was just another thing that he did that made him absolutely adorable. No longer did he go out like every other vampire, he simply poured himself blood into a cup and drank it like it was nothing different.

"I'll have to tell him thank you – he's almost as smart as you." She joked, taking a bite and chewing for a moment. "This is delicious!" she exclaimed before taking a second bite. For a vampire, he sure knew how to cook. When he sat across from her she covered her mouth to finish chewing before answering his question, "I slept wonderfully. What about you?" She asked, hoping she hadn't bothered him at all during the night. Her mother used to tell her she was the worst person to share a bed with, always kicking and rolling around. Last night had been the best night of sleep she had ever had.

Sitting, staring, with a grin, my cup was placed on the table. My girl sure knew how to eat, so I wouldn't doubt her eating until she had a food baby, as I once heard Dawn call it. "Well, before we leave, we can drop by to say hello to him. I'm sure we can do it tomorrow or later today." My eyes scanned her face as she bit into the French toast. Hearing her exclaim was enough for me to take a long drink from my cup. Oddly, it was better than any other cup. It was her there with me. All I could think of was never wanting to go back to Sunnyhell. This place was perfect if she'd allow it to be.

My face saddened though, staring at the emptiness between us. "It's my mum's recipe. Use to love it..." I cleared my throat, brought my cup to my lips, and changed my attitude. "Glad you like it." I took a drink before setting the cup back down, cradling it between my large hands. "Slept well, actually. One of the rare nights without nightmares. Also, was kinda worn out." I winked, licking my bottom lip and looking back to her plate. "Want anything else? Eat up, Slayer. Quite a day I have planned."

Buffy watched him as she ate, trying not to seem too unladylike. She knew how ugly it got when she liked something, so she tried to pace herself as she watched him. "That sounds nice, if you'd like to I'm all up for it." She nodded. Clem had always been a favorite of hers. He was such a great guy, and good with the Scoobies. He never gave them any trouble, and she doubted his ability to, he was too sweet. As she ate she thought about how wonderful it would be to stay there with Spike forever. Not to worry about anything but being happy with him. It would make life a whole hell of a lot easier.

When his expression changed she looked down and nodded, "She must have been an amazing cook." She whispered, afraid of saying something to upset him. Spike didn't really talk to her much about his human past, so she didn't know how to talk to him about things like that. "I'm glad." She nodded before sticking her fork through one of the pieces she'd cut and walked over to him. "All I want is a smile on your face. Open up." She smirked, holding out the fork. "I've seen you eat those onion flower things, you can eat this." She looked at him, wanting to just see his smile again.

Her words trailed off - the images of mum clouded my mind. The sight of her canines elongating, her harsh words. Blinking rapidly to crash away the sight of her cane stabbing into her heart, I, again, cleared my throat. Her words finally hit home, making me look up to see her make her way to me. I almost wanted to shake my head and deny it, but how could I deny her anything? My mouth opened and I took the small bite, tugging her into my lap in the process. After chewing and swallowing the bit of food, my teeth went to her neck, nipping lightly. My left, more dominant hand, trailed up her left side, slipping beneath her shirt and moving upwards. "Can't get enough of you Summers." Only inches from her breast, I released her, put her back on her feet, and slapped her butt softly. "Go eat."

My grin widened. I couldn't deny how I wanted her, but I couldn't just make love to her all day and not have her eat. Sipping from my glass, I motioned to the plate. "I mean it. I've got a big surprise for you. If you don't eat, pet, you won't get the surprise." I looked down to my nearly half full glass and stood to refill it. On the way back, I grabbed the pot of coffee and refilled her drink, placing sugar and cream by her. "Want more orange juice?" Anything at this point. I was desperate to avoid any talks of my human past. My mother - Anne, my brother - Henry, that blasted girl - Cecily. _Anything_ to stop the words and questions that would one day come up.

When he pulled her into his lap she let a soft giggle escape her. He was so cute as he ate what she'd given him. Then his teeth were on her neck and her eyes fell shut, she loved the feel of him nipping at her neck. It was the sweetest feeling, poetically tragic. She often wondered what it would be like to let him drink her blood, she'd let Angel do it… To save his life anyways. It had to be different with every vampire, didn't it? She shook her head subtly to banish the thoughts as his hand slid up her shirt. "Me either." She smirked and kissed his forehead when he slapped her butt before walking back to her seat – shaking her hips a little extra. "Fine, fine." She sighed jokingly and sat down before taking another bite.

"I never was much for surprises…" She joked and took another bite before sipping at her orange juice. She'd barely touched it because she'd been drinking the coffee. When he stood she followed him with her eyes – still eating – and tried not to eat it all in one bite. Her curiosity was going to kill her one of these days. He said surprise and she didn't even know what to expect. Without bothering to stop and take a drink she finished off her French toast, "No thank you." She smiled up at him before picking up the cream and pouring a little into the coffee he'd just refilled. She took a slow sip of it before looking up at him and resting a hand on her stomach. "That was good. Amazing." She smiled at him and took another drink of her coffee. She stood and carried her plate to the sink to wash it before speaking again. "What is this surprise you have planned?"

She began to stand and I allowed her. I wanted to watch her walk. Those tiny hips of her's were so seductive when they went back and forth. I made no attempt to hide the area that my eyes were staring at. I had dreamt of this for so long, wouldn't dare to not enjoy every last moment. "Don't gotta wash it, I can do it. You are my guest, Buffy." I stood from my spot, sliding behind her. My hips thrust forward, pushing her against the counter. Both of my hands grabbed her hips, my teeth nipping at her neck and pressing soft kisses here and there. "You look so sexy like this." My hand snaked around to turn off the water. Couldn't keep my hands off her. "Here, follow me." I pushed down my desire again, tugging at her hand. "This way, pet."

Opening the curtain, covering the sliding door, I revealed a nice coat of fresh snow. Seeing that she had her boots on, I picked her up and carried her out into the sunlight with the snow. Thanks to the dense trees, they offered enough shade for me to walk around freely outside. One reason this was **my** home. I designed it perfectly. I could roam in the day without worrying about burning up. Hence so many god damn trees around the place.

His words almost made her laugh, she intended on ignoring him. His arms snaked around her and she leaned back into him when she couldn't fight it any longer. It was like heaven there in his arms. His teeth were nipping at her once more, and she had to fight the urge to turn into him and rip his clothes off. "Is that so?" She smirked when he told her she looked sexy. Slowly, she followed him, reluctant to leave the spot he had her pinned. When he opened the curtain her jaw dropped as she looked out. It was beautiful, it was the meaning of beautiful. She smiled when he picked her up and rested her head on his shoulder as he walked outside. "Spike the sun!" she spoke aloud, worried, but when he didn't burst into flames she looked at him in confusion. It was light out, but he wasn't burning. He was standing outside, holding her in his arms, and it was daylight.

"Am I dreaming now? Is that it?" She looked at him, scared that she may be right. There was no way he could… Then she looked around and saw all of the trees. It was amazing. He could be outside with her and not burn. This was better than any dream she'd ever had. "Spike, you're so wonderful." She whispered and turned her head to kiss his neck gently. Nothing could be more perfect than this – other than their love making the night before. He looked amazing in the sunlight.

"Years ago, before your mum was even thought of, Clem and I made this. He thought about me putting in trees for this. The surprise was the snow, but I guess this could be part of it too, pet." My hand stroked her hair. "Thought you might like the snow. I was surprised when I saw it. Clem said there was a chance of it, but not for sure." Tugging her to my chest, I looked down into her eyes. "I love you, Buffy." I kissed her softly, allowing my passion and desire to pool into the kiss. Hands held her to my, protective and loving super glued together. Pulling back, I grinned. "I'll be back. I shouldn't be longer than half an hour. Got to grab a few things before we go out." Kissing her again, I forced myself to leave. I expected her to play in the snow, knowing that Sunnyhell never saw the white flakes.

Inside, I grabbed the large backpack that Clem had brought out of his attic. I placed food, a few drinks, three towels, swim trunks, and a bikini - obviously the bikini was not for me. Looking over her room, I sniffed her pillow to find no scent of her there. That's right. She had slept in my room. I gathered a few more objects, filling the bag, and in record timing, made my way down the steps.

"Well the snow is wonderful as well." She smiled and kissed him back, loving the way it felt so right. "I love you too Spike." she said and smiled proudly. It was nice to be honest about things with him, to finally see that he knew how she felt. "Oh." she said when he said she'd be gone. "Alright." she nodded and looked out at the snow when he left. The white flakes were cold and something she never saw in Sunnydale. It was great to be in the snow. Buffy laid down in it and just closed her eyes - feeling the snow shape to her body.

A short while later Buffy looked up, hoping to see him appear. She had made a tiny snow family and was having fun rolling the snow into little balls. She stood and brushed her hands together, to get the snow off of them. Even though it hadn't been long she missed him. Turning back to the snow she smiled at it, he'd brought her here to this wonderful place and all of the things he was doing he did to make her happy. Spike was so good to her - she just couldn't figure out what she'd done to deserve it all.

Appearing once more, hues set on the tiny family the Slayer had going. Hitting me like a ton of bricks, I stared at each of the 'family' members. The wind was nearly knocked out of me due to the scene. She looked happy. Of course, at some point, she would want a family. I could not supply her with children, or get married, or have a real future. We could move in together, but we'd have to constantly move to avoid people asking questions about my lacking of age. Guilt washed over me. "Always holding her back..." The bag of _goodies_ now seemed useless. This weekend get away was becoming less as it had last night and was returning to what I had wanted it to be, a get away for **her**. I took in a deep breath and slid open the door, closing it behind myself.

"Let's go, Slayer?" I put the bag on my back, adjusting the straps to sit comfortably on my back. I couldn't look her in the eyes. Couldn't touch her. I was stupid to think it could work. I loved her and all I could ever want for her was the best. I knew I wasn't the best. I couldn't give her a future. Keeping my eyes at the family, I placed a fake smile on my lips. "They look nice... come on." I pointed to a trail, squinting slightly. "That's it." I began to lead the way now, looking at the ground. _Let her go Spike. You are a monster, not a man. You can't give her all that she needs, all that she deserves. Be cold and let her go._

Buffy smiled when he walked out, glad to see him again however short their time apart was. Something in his eyes was different though, and it pained her. When he commented on the little family she'd made she cursed herself silently. How stupid could she be? Of course that would freak him out. He couldn't have kids, and now he thought she wanted that. She bit her tongue when he began walking and followed - taking his hand as she did. "I missed you." she smiled timidly, afraid he'd be upset with her.

Sometimes she just didn't think. Finally they had everything and then she went and screwed it all up. A little snowman family? How old was she? She looked down at her feet as she walked, afraid to look at him. He'd never looked so cold before. She wanted to stop him - kiss him - tell him that nothing mattered but him, but she knew she couldn't.

Her hand against mine made me jump. It wasn't expected. However, to not upset her, I held her hand with a smile and continued walking. "Yeah? I missed you too." I kept looking forward, not daring to bring up the family. If it was possible, I'd give her that and so much more. All I wanted was the best for her. "Almost there, pet. Won't take much longer." We rounded a corner, walking between trees. There was a section with the path leading on but instead, I dropped her hand. I stepped off the path, moving the bush that had grown over the large rock, and looked back. She was beautiful in the light. Pained, I looked back to the rock and pulled it away. Behind it was a cave. "Here Summers. I'll lead. Be careful." I entered first, lighting a flare that I had packed. After she entered, I sealed the area by returning the rock back to its rightful spot. The temperature rose as we went deeper in. I had to hunch over at some points, careful not to hit my head. The sound of water met ears and finally we came to our destination. The hot springs. I placed the bag on the floor, pulling out her bikini and my trunks. I offered the bikini to her and tugged out the towels next. "You can go change. I won't look, promise."

She watched him when he dropped her hand, and followed his orders before following him in. The dark cave didn't bother her as much as the sudden distance he was putting between them emotionally. Nothing ever seemed to work the way she wanted it to. He was the only good thing in her life - and now she'd screwed it up without meaning to. When he offered her her bikini she took it and ignored his comment before stripping in front of him and pulling it on. She was ready to do anything at this point to see the passion in his eyes once more. Buffy bit her lower lip before walking over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, "Spike, shouldn't you change too?" she asked quietly before kissing the corner of his mouth then his neck. She nibbled as his ear before kissing his neck again.

She began to change right in front of me. Nude and close to tbe touch. I couldn't take my eyes from her for the first few seconds, but I made my eyes dart to the floor. Her lips and hands over me all at once caused a familiar sensation below. Eyes closed and my hands went to reach for her hips. They stopped short and I nodded. I took a step back, removing my shirt and tossing it aside. I kicked off my boots, followed by my socks, and undid the zipper to my jeans. My lack of boxers made me cover my lower region as I slid from the black Levi's. The swimming trunks that I had stolen from Xander were a bit loose, but would surely do. My head nodded towards the hot water. "I'll help you in. I find it relaxing." Our eyes connected. It was clear to me that she could see how I was feeling. "I'm sorry, pet. 'Tis all okay." i pressed my lips to her forehead and stroked her hair, all with blank eyes. I just wanted her happy.

Him taking a step back broke her heart, and it only got worse when he obviously covered himself as he changed. She looked down and bit her tongue once more, trying to stop herself from showing the hurt in her eyes. When he spoke to her she nodded, not bothering to look up. Briefly she looked at him when he kissed her forehead, but the lack of emotion his eyes killed her. "Alright." she sighed to herself and turned from him to look at the water. If he was so determined to make her feel this way she wasn't about to fight it. With a heavy chest she took a couple steps closer, wanting to get lost in the dark. In the few years she'd lived in Sunnydale she never thought she'd miss it, but being here with him this way made her long for the nights they'd spent in his crypt. At least then he never worried about stupid little things.

Seeing her turn away from me wanted to catch my breath and never return it. All I wanted was to hold her close and say sorry for everything. I took her hand, easing her into the water, and got in behind her. I wanted her happy. My hands wrapped her waist, pulling her to me. "I'm sorry. Just, try to relax." I kissed her shoulder, rubbing her back as I pressed lightly against her rear. "This weekend is all about you, Slayer. Relax." I hated to see her in pain due to me. She was the one that deserved the best. I wanted to make up to her. I couldn't help but feel great pain for the fact that she would never have children with me. She'd never have the normal life. Never. My eyes closed and head tilted forward against her soft skin. Hands rubbed her hips, trailing up her stomach, returning to her hips and holding her to me.

Unable to resist Buffy leaned into him when he pulled her close after helping her in. She listened to his soft voice and tried her hardest to relax, without much luck. She knew why he was so different, he was worried he couldn't give her a normal life. The thing that upset her though was that she didn't want a normal life. She'd come this far without one - there was no reason for one now. Spike just didn't understand that, and she wished she knew a way to tell him. "This is nice. Thank you." she spoke, trying to keep herself calm. He was so close and so far away at the same time.

I could feel her relaxing, but it wasn't enough. I had to push my own thoughts aside and think of her. My hand dipped lower and lower, tickling her lower stomach before dipping in her bikini bottoms. My middle finger began to swirl around her clit in delicate circles. "I love you." I wanted to make up to her, make her relax and not worry. I felt uneasy with her tense around me. The rubbing made my cock stiffen. My hips went forward, rubbing against her rear.

Spike's hands set fire to her as they moved over her skin. She closed her eyes and turned her head to rest against his shoulder. "I love you too." she whispered and turned around to face him, pulling his hands up and lacing their fingers together. "Spike don't do this. Don't do something you don't want to do. I saw the look. It's fine." she spoke softly before taking a step back. Her heart shattered as she did but she had to. It was killing her to know he didn't really feel like doing this. Something had changed in his eyes and she couldn't just ignore it.

Her words were harsh and made my hands stop touching her. "I-I'm sorry." I shook my head and turned away, got out of the water to sit on a towel. Don't hurt the girl. Don't hurt the girl. I watched her for a moment before sighing. It was only getting worse. Note to self: keep hands to self. I laid out the other towel for her in case she wanted it and placed the spare on top of that. "I'll be here. Not leavin'..." Not yet. I laid back, closing my eyes to allow her space. We could never work our shit out. We weren't meant to be, or so that's how I was starting to feel. Eyes closed and images of the previous night flooded my mind. I doubted it would happen again anytime soon. If it weren't for her sanity that I was worried about, I'd mention going back early. However, it was only Saturday and I wished to take her back early Monday morning.

A single tear fell from her eye when she looked down as he got out of the water. This was only getting worse, and what she'd said hadn't helped a bit. Last night replayed in her head as she tried to think of a way to fix this all. She watched as he laid out the towel for her and nodded at his words. Slowly - determined - she got out of the water and walked to him. Without saying a word she sat straddling him and leaned over to kiss him passionately, trying to find the spark from the night before. There was no way Buffy was going to let this go, she just couldn't. Every time she had something good she'd push it away, but not this time. This time she was going to keep him close forever.

She hurried to me and began kissing me. At first I began to kiss back. I even cupped her cheek and pulled her in closer. A hand dropped to her waist tugging her forward and more into my lap. Just as I began to get comfortable, I stiffened again. "Buffy, pet, oh... Stop." I swallowed hard and tried to stop my actions. "You... I..." My eyes closed and I struggled for a bit of control. "It's okay, Buffy. This is all for you. Supposed to relax you." My being there was only making matters worse. Could never do anything right. My hands, still on her waist, held her in my lap. Finger tips caressed her skin softly while eyes gazed into her's. It was a mental struggle to not touch her all over, to kiss her in delicate areas and make her mine again. I just wanted things to be as they were earlier.

Buffy shook her head and captured his lips with her own in an effort to silence him. She kissed him for a moment more like that before kissing down his neck, but she didn't stop there. She kissed down his chest and pushed the swim trunks out of her way - nothing was going to stop her she was on a mission. "I'm going to make you feel like you did last night." she half growled at him before taking him into her mouth and sucking gently before sliding her mouth down around the entire length of him.

Her lips back on mine made me moan into her mouth, kissing deeply before she went lower. Her lips touhed my clavicles, my stomach, lower they went. My trunks were pushed from my hips and my erect cock jumped with excitement. When her lips got closer, my eyes opened. "Wai-" Her lips wrapped around me and a sigh of relief was released. I laid back, pressing a hand to the back of her head, moaning. My eyes half opened and half closed stared down at her. How wrong was this? I was supposed to be making up to her and yet she was trying to do so to me. I wanted to stop her, but it felt so good. Eyes closed all the way while a few groans slithered from my lips. "Buffy.. Oh Buffy. Pet, don't have to."

Ignoring his words Buffy continued sucking his hard cock. She took his entire length in then slowly pulled up to torture him before taking it all back in quickly. Everything in her body was burning, and the wet spot between her legs was only getting bigger. The sound of him groaning at her touch had her ready for more. She kept her eyes closed to avoid looking at him, knowing if she did he'd only try harder to get her to stop. Whatever had happened to change his opinion of how things should be she was going to reverse it if it was the last thing she did. Nothing mattered more to her than having Spike happy; her own happiness depended on it. He'd brought her here to have a weekend to herself and relax, but it was an impossible task without letting him know just how much she loved him so he could love her back. This was her weekend and she was going to have it the way she wanted it.

The hand on the back of her head applied pressure, groaning and closing my eyes from the sensations. Tilting my head back. I released a groan. Eyes opened to stare at the ceiling. This girl was amazing. She knew what to do at the right time. However, this wasn't right. This weekend was about her, only her. I pulled her hair from her face, looking down at her working on my long shaft. All I really wanted was for her to feel at ease, to relax. Though it felt so very, very good, I had to stop her. "Buffy, luv, please stop." My eyes closed again, unable to resist the feeling she was forcing on my cock.

I sat up, making her back off my cock. My hand touched her cheek, pulling her to me for a deep kiss. "I want you to relax... to feel, Summers." Again, our lips crashed together, kissing her deeply, and dipping my hand inside of her bikini. Both of my hands pushed her bikini bottoms from her body before undoing her top. Her soft breasts came into view, making my eyes lock on her skin with desire in my eyes.

She tried to ignore him when he asked her to stop, but then he sat up and she looked down. He wasn't making this easy on her. When he pulled her into a deep kiss she wrapped her arms around his neck, "Mmhmm," She mumbled in reply to him before they kissed once more. His hand burned a trail across her skin and she moaned into he kiss in anticipation. Trying to get closer, she moved so she was straddling him and grabbed onto his shoulders. She watched the desire re-ignite in his eyes and tilted her head to the right to kiss his neck, then up his jaw, until finding his lips again.

"Make love to me Spike." She whispered between planting soft kisses on his lips. She wanted to capture the spark they'd shared the night before. He seemed to be in the same mood he was before the little incident in the snow, so she wanted to do everything she could to keep it that way. Buffy bit his lower lip gently and tugged on it for a second before kissing him once more. She kissed back down his jaw to his neck, then gently bit his neck before smiling at him deviously.

My desire rose when she climbed into my lap. Hands settled on her hips, lips going to her breasts, plating soft kisses all over them. Agian, our lips met and I heard her words. The spark inside was burning, engulfing me in flames from within. I stood, holding her in my arms, and got in the warm water. I put her close enough to the edge so that she could hold onto it. "Buffy..." I positioned myself at her entrance, looking in her eyes as I pushed myself into her hot entrance. My breath hitched slightly - catching my throat. Both of my hands went to her rear, making sure that her soft cheeks weren't scrapping against the edge of the spring.

Inside of her, my lips roamed her neck and chest before my hips began to move in that familiar rhythm. Forward and back, making us rock and the water go in tune with our movements. "Love you, Slayer... love you." My head tilted forward. I rested my forehead on her shoulder, groaning from time to time, as I drove my hips forward and in reverse.

When he stood, carrying her to the water, she wrapped her legs around him. Once she felt the edge she held onto it, keeping herself steady as her body felt like it was about to convulse. She took deep breaths, kissing him everywhere she could as he entered her. It felt so nice to be one with him once more. She moaned his name and her head rolled back as her eyes fell shut. This was the closest she'd be to heaven for a long time, and it was better than heaven was before. Trying to keep herself calm, she rolled her hips in time with his thrusts, feeling the water move around them in the perfect rhythm. It was so gentle, so sweet. He knew all the right moves at just the right times. She bit her lip and let a hand find the back of his head, tangling itself in his hair.

"Oh, Spike, I love you too." She whispered as his head rested on her shoulder. She kissed the side of his head and moaned softly, the way he was moving into her driving her wild. Everything seemed to freeze up, and he set her on fire from the inside out. It was like burning and freezing at the same time, the sweetest feeling. Her heart beat quickened and slowed at the same time as well, an effect only he could ever have on her.

I closed my eyes, as her heat enveloped me, burned me, consumed me, made me want to weep. I moved my hands down over her thighs, down her legs, until both of my hands were under her legs for support. I took my one hand off of her leg and put it between us, rubbing her soft clit while thrusting forward. "Buffy, luv, oh God!" I murmured, pushing her against the side, thrusting into her hot flesh again and again. Nothing ever so right, ever so good, incredible, mind numbing, body pleasuring goodness, so hard, so right, so wonderful; him, her - together, as it was meant to be; should've been…

Again, pushing in and out, loving and touching. My head tilted back, my thrusts coming faster, harder. I couldn't control myself with her. I didn't want to control this. Couldn't control this. Our bodies connecting repeatedly, oh the sensation. My finger still rubbing her, I continued thrusting in and out, holding her one leg tightly while doing so.

[I]

She gasped as he sped up, moaning softly in pleasure. It was so perfect with him, like they should have always been from the moment he'd told her how he felt. She'd been so afraid of what she felt then – hiding her feelings from even herself. Things had only gotten more confusing from that point, he did all of the right things. Now here she was making love to him the way she could have been all along. When she thought of all the time she'd wasted it made her need him all the more. She kissed his shoulder, then found his lips, capturing them with her own. "Spike, oh my Spike…" She smiled and moaned his name as her eyes fell shut once more. She couldn't see straight.

The passion was consuming her, his desire drowning her, she bathed in the love pouring into her. It was the most amazing thing in the world to truly be with him like she'd never been before. Every time it was different with them. It was one of the many things she adored about their time together. Nothing was ever the same. He was so wonderful in every way – even when he was terrible. She moaned loudly as his finger rubbed her clit, sending her into another world of pleasure. It was so right with him; she couldn't even bare the thought of where she'd be without him. Any time she tried to picture her life she saw him, and that was all she knew for sure. He was her everything, her entire world. There was no way Buffy could survive without this man.

[II]

"Oh Spike, please, harder…" She moaned into his ear before her head rolled back once more. She could feel the screams bubbling up in her. His face was everywhere, the sound of his rugged voice filled her mind. He was all over and she couldn't stop herself from pulling his face once more to hers, only this time it was to meet his eyes with her own, "I love you Spike, oh God how I love you." She whispered, without the slightest hint of insincerity. She needed to hear him tell her he loved her again – it was so hard to wrap her head around. Buffy always knew there was something different about Spike. Since the moment she met him she knew he'd be a part of her life for a good while. Never did she once think it would be forever, but now she hated the idea of him ever not being in her life. This was the greatest feeling – being with him. It was where she felt she truly belonged.

Biting her lip she held back the loud moan she felt about to escape. The taste of copper flooded her mouth and she rested her forehead against his shoulder, unsure of how he'd react to the smell of her blood. She kept her eyes closed as her toes curled and she felt another moan about to escape, this one she let out and clawed at his shoulder with her left hand, still holding onto the side with her right. Everything was spinning in a good way, it was so mind blowing the way they molded together so perfectly. She loved being with him, never had she felt so good before.

My hips continued to rock forth, groans escaping from time to time. The connection of our bodies was what I had always hoped for. She was letting me love her - letting me hold her close to me so I may do as I please. The fact that was always able to make me want her, need her even, was a perfect example of my never ending love for her. If possible, I was sure I'd turn her without hesitation to forever keep her with me. However, by doing so, it would release a monster that I could not face... and she was the Slayer with a job to do.

Both hands held her legs around me, forehead coming off her shoulder so that lips may find lips for a sweet, delicate kiss. Pushing my tongue to taste her mouth, I pushed myself in her as hard as I could for a short two thrusts. Again, back at a softer pace, I furrowed my brow, eyes closed, trying to hold back an epic groan that was nearly on the tip of my tongue. Of all the times we had ever connected like this, other than last night, this was the best. A hand came to her golden locks, brushing them from her face as my hips slowed. The water around us, still slightly moving, splashed against her torso, her soft breasts. While staring down at her beautiful body, the sight of erect nipples made my grin widen.

While still moving in her, my teeth grasped her right nipple. I began to move my hips so that I could hit a certain spot I knew she liked. My head lulled back, eyes closed for a brief moment, before coming back down to Earth. My muscles ached and burned in all the right places. It had been a while since I had this sort of pleasure... from something other than my hand, of course. This, however, felt right. Everything about it was right.

Buffy's head rolled back once more as a loud moan escaped her. She was wrapped up in him – completely surrounded by him – drowning in him. It was sheer ecstasy. Everything was so blurry, lost to her, everything but him. He was the only certain thing to her. The only thing that would ever matter, always. She moaned his name, "Spike, oh Spike," clawing at his back, needing to feel him closer, deeper, completely a part of her. They fit together in a magical way, one nobody could ever fit quite right but him. She belonged to him and she knew it. Every thrust was the right motion she needed to provoke that mind blowing erotic orgasm only he could bring out of her. The same kind he'd brought her to the night before, though none would ever amount to their first time truly making love. It was heaven better than the place she'd been when she had died. She needed it again, she needed him again every second of every day. Spike would forever be the one man who could ever amount to perfection in her eyes even with all of his little quirks. The thought of an eternal life looked appealing as long as it was with him, though she was meant to destroy just what that meant her becoming. No destiny was greater than him – none unchangeable. He was her only absolute.

A drug had no decisive indications of holding sensations such as those I was feeling. The mind, body, and soul were connected to that tiny figure - the dominant warrior of the people. One may say it was the way we connected, the spark that was within us; however, others with a brain, such as I, could link the passion to the love. Now with open eyes, it was visible. Erotic fell short of words to explain the course of emotions burning through cold veins. Borrowed blood - borrowed life - heated only a few degrees, skin still able to freeze water. Hands skilled through the years, tarnished through age and much work, held tightly to her thighs. Such power was controlled beneath the flesh, hidden in tight muscles waiting to be provoked. Like a mirror touching heat for the first time, eyes began to cloud with lust. My movements, no longer within my controlling grasp, fell limp to desire. With _it_ in control, movements were difficult to understand. Hips drove forward while lips crashed upon her lips, savoring her taste and acting delicate. However, hips remained harsh. Salt and chocolate could not better explain the motions of our bodies, only insanity. Groans escaped parted lips, thrusting forward into her mouth while a rough hand swept through her golden locks. So nearly close to the end, my only wish was for my girl to meet me there.

Buffy moaned softly as their lips met, their two different worlds crashing together. It was their love keeping her mind focused enough to not go crazy. Every touch, every kiss, all of it was nothing compared to the love she felt thriving through him and into her. She couldn't think of words to describe the way it felt when they made love, only his name. Everything was him, every breath, every thought, every moan, and she didn't want it to change. The feeling of being so completely connected to him without having to hold back; nobody would ever – could ever – make her feel that. As he thrust into her, she clawed at his back, needing him – wanting him. "Oh Spike, love you, I love you." She whimpered as she felt the first wave of ecstasy hit her. The orgasm was building up, she could feel it about to burst from within. Knowing he was close to his climax, she moved one hand to the back of his head and kissed him with every bit of passion she could muster, wanting him to cum with her. She needed to feel him cum at the same time. To know they could bring each other to the sweetest climax and share in the nirvana it was. Every single cell in her body was tingling with the need to scream his name, moan for him. It all felt so good, so wonderful. Just being in his arms was enough to make everything alright. Nothing mattered more to her than to see him happy. All she wanted was to be able to make him happy. Her eyes opened and she looked at him, searching for the love she knew she could see if she looked into his eyes. He was always so upfront with her, it was her turn to let him know he was the only one she wanted to see for the rest of her life.

Arms wrapped snugly around her waist, holding her close to my chest as my hips drove me into her. Such passion could be felt, the bleeding of emotions mixing with physical need. Moaning her name, I gripped her rear and thrust my hips harder. It was something about the girl that made it so hard to control myself. Her touches. Her caresses. Everything seemed to be right while she was doing it. Not a thing could have gone wrong with her in my arms. When she told me that she loved me, my eyes pulled back to stare into her's. To finally hear it from her kept surprising me. I kept expecting her to snap out of this... this... thing she was in and hate me once more. I had tried to rape her. I had treated her so badly. There was no future with me... surely she knew that. However, she stayed for reasons unknown to me.

"Buffy... luv... love you too, always love you." I felt her walls tighten around me, her hips slightly bucked forward. She was there, right on the edge waiting for me to push her over. My eyes stared into her's while I continued to move in and out. My lower stomach, now in knots, ached and my cock felt about to burst. One. Two. Three. "Unh!" I groaned out a grunt as my hot seed began to shoot into her tight folds. My eyes closed, unable to hold them open as I spilled myself into her. Both hands held her tightly while I continued to move in and out of her body, releasing myself within her over and over again.

The look in his eyes when she told him she loved him was enough to make her need him more. The future meant nothing to her without him – regardless of the circumstances. She rested her forehead on his when he told her he loved her, and a warm feeling shot through her as she felt him let go within her. The orgasm washed over her, covering every inch of her. Her toes were curled, her head resting on his shoulder as she kissed his neck, his chest, anything she could. The passion and devotion, the love, rolled through her like fire through fields. It was fast and slow, sweet and torturous. Just the right feeling to make her love it that much more as she rocked her hips in time with his. Love was everywhere around them, everything within them, everything they had. Without him she felt nowhere near right – and she couldn't imagine a more comfortable thing.

"Spike," She whispered as her breathing began to slow once more. The bubbling joyous feeling settled in her as the orgasm left her. She relaxed into him, kissing every inch of his body she could find. Nothing meant more to her than to know she could do this for the rest of her life. That he would make love to her like this every day of forever and nobody could ever replace that. He haunted her every though, lingering in her like the sweetest lullaby. His voice was the only thing she could hear when she closed her eyes. He made her feel complete, as though she finally had something to live for.

Her own release caused mine to only heighten. I groaned, digging my nails into her buttocks. My head shot back, hips still driving forward, as I released a loud cry. Finishing together, the air that I had lacked to take in finally caught up with me. Though I didn't need it, it was habit to still gasp for breath after sex. Hearing my name, I quirked a brow, breathing heavily. My motions stopped, but the water still rocked back and forth around us. Eyes closed, a worn out sensation filling my body. Pulling my cock from within her was a task I hadn't wanted to do, but it had to be done. I groaned and winced from the feeling of exiting her body. It was almost painful to do so. However with my cock still slightly erect, I left her body and could only hold her to me. The warmth that her body gave off was enough to burn. My own body felt nothing more than a corpse. She deserved more.

Eyes settled on her face, her pouty lips, those golden locks, anything really. "Buffy, pet," my hand stroked her hair from her face, wetting the strands my fingers touched. With her still to my chest, I stood from the spring, carrying her to an area where I could place towels. "Wait here." My lips only touched her's for a brief second, leaving her behind so I could complete a task for her. The towels I had brought were placed on the ground, spread so she could lay. After doing so, my hands went to her again, picking her up so that her legs could wrap around me. Being that close to her had kept me erect, ready to be within her again. Slowly, I got to my knees and placed her soft body on the towel. Next to her I rested, tugging her to my chest. "Are you okay?"

When he pulled out she sighed, feeling a sudden emptiness that she hated. The world was different when they were connected like that; it was all brighter, kinder. Then when the connection was over it all went back to the twisted reality she'd learned to accept. Her eyes fell closed as she heard his soft voice say her name; unable to think clearly once again. It was as though his voice seeped into her and drowned out her thoughts; made it impossible to keep her focused on anything while relaxing her entirely. The way he made her feel was so unexplainable. She couldn't think of how to put her feelings into words with him, so she'd simply have to hope 'I love you' would explain to him enough. She leaned into him when he picked her up and got out of the water, closing her eyes briefly to listen to him breathe though she knew he had no need for the air. It was the most interesting thing to hear him draw in those deep sweet breaths. "Yes." She whispered when he set her down and asked her to wait before kissing him back. Him walking away – if only for a second – was too much time apart for her liking.

She wrapped her legs around his waist the second he was close enough and kissed his shoulder softly before looking at his beautiful face. It was mind boggling to think such a handsome man could love her the way he did. To think such a gentleman could care so greatly for her. As he laid her down she watched him carefully, studying his body language. She wanted to know that all of his reservations were gone. That he wasn't re-thinking it all anymore. "I'm excellent…" she whispered, hugging herself to him, "The best I could possibly be. I'm with the only man I'll ever love." She smiled at him as her chin rested gently on his chest.

Although I was filled with joy to have her at my side, I could not keep my mind from running for too long. She would age while I would remain young. I did not want to think of those things, but with her finally loving me back, it was hard to not think of it. I could now understand why Angel had left her the night of her graduation - he was in my exact shoes. A hand pushed her hair from her face, the smile on my lips only growing. _I understand, pet... when we get back to Sunnydale, we will have to go back to how things were. I don't need you to worry about me. You have a war on your hands - that is your main worry._ The words were too harsh to speak out loud... at least for now. Maybe later.

I remained holding her close, staring at the ceiling. "Are you hungry?" Eyes scanned her perfectly shaped body. All I could think of was sinking my teeth inside her plump skin. Her thighs looked best to drink from, those power legs of hers. I yearned to taste her. My finger tips trailed down her body; down her shoulder, over her clavicles, between her breasts, further down to her navel, daring her lower stomach. I wanted to _taste_ her. Scooting down, I slightly parted her legs, gripping her ankles, and positioned myself between her legs. "Pet, I want to taste you." Her aroma was enough to send sparks over my eyes. My hungry tongue flicked over my lower lip, moistening it while staring at her womanhood.

Buffy smiled contently to herself as she lay in his arms; the only place to be. It was quiet and she felt as though she could hear everything. It was all clearer to her as though she'd only just opened her eyes for the first time. Making love to him was opening up a whole new world to her and she absolutely loved every second of it. When he asked if she was hungry she had to think about it for a moment, deciding she wasn't. The breakfast he'd made her was more than enough to keep her stomach quiet for the majority of the day – as long as she had him with her anyways. "No, I'm fine." She spoke quietly, afraid to mess something up if she spoke too loud; like she could scare him off once more. As she looked into his eyes she noticed a hunger, something she hadn't ever seen in him. There was a craving, a desire that was unfamiliar. As he moved down she watched him, her breath hitched when he stopped between her legs. The hunger she'd seen registered and she felt content when she realized what it was he was hungry for.

"Is I possible? I mean… To taste but not kill?" She whispered, curious. It had crossed her mind once or twice – to let him taste her blood. The one thing she had never shared with him. She tried to imagine how it would feel to have his teeth sink into her soft skin; for him to drink the blood that gave her life. It all seemed tragically poetic to her, and she couldn't help but feel herself nod slowly, "Do it. Taste me." She whispered quieter than before. The words seemed so distant to her own ears, but she knew they'd come out; just as well as she knew he'd heard them. The breath she hadn't realized she was holding in came out slowly as she watched him with love in her eyes.

The fact that she thought I wanted to bite her only caused a chuckle. The eruption within was enough to make my own need for her grow. I had just had her and yet I wasn't done. This girl was going to be the bloody end of me. My hands, rough from the hard years, opened her legs. I could see her clit, the juices that still remained between her folds. The sight made myself hard. My left hand slid between her legs, trailing from her ankle to her thigh. "Pet, of course it is possible to taste and not kill." I gripped the inside of her thigh firmly and growled as I pressed kisses to the skin. Ever so softly I spoke, between growls and kisses. "But that's not what I want."

My kisses trailed further up, teeth nipping and teasing at her warm flesh. When reaching her womanhood, I sniffed and closed my eyes. Her scent was sweet and of her own - it was something I'd never learn to forget. The pad of my thumb ran across her clit, running lower to her tight entrance. I pushed my digit in, pumping it slowly. This was what I wanted. My tongue was the next thing to touch her clit; running up and down the small nub.

A soft, low moan escaped her soft lips when she realized what he was talking about. "Oh..." she whispered, embarassed she hadn't figured it out on her own. His kisses on her inner thigh set her on fire and she felt the wet heat growing between her legs. His sweet touches sent chills up her spine and she bit her lower lip. All she wanted was to surrender to the animal instinct within and tell him to ravash her. It made her insane as his thumb brushed across her clit. Her head rollded back and she couldn't stop his name from escaping her. "Oh, Spike." she smiled, her teeth digging into her lower lip as his finger entered her and his tongue replaced it on her clit.

Tasting her was all I had ever thought of. From the first time we fucked, I had wanted to taste her. I moaned directly into her, dipping my tongue lower as I continued to move my thumb in and out of her. My tongue flattened against her clit, licking hard with passion. Eyes looked to her rising and falling stomach, the sensations that were washing along her body in waves. Grinning, my teeth grazed her sensitive skin. It had been so long since I had tasted a woman. Eyelids fluttered closed, my tongue still lapping at her juices. Thumb pumped in and out, bending when backing up to exit her small frame. When my thumb entered her, I twisted it in a circle and rubbed it against the roof of her entrance. With her sweet nectar flowing into my mouth, onto my tongue, my erection was becoming painful. This need for her couldn't subside. Even when I wanted to kill her I had thought of her drinking her blood from the most sensitive areas. One dream had included claiming her as my own and making Angel watch.

Buffy's breathing grew faster - deeper. She tried to keep herself calm but the feeling of his thumb inside of her, his tongue on her clit, it was extraordinary. She rolled her head to the side and a hand rested across her chest while the other rested on her lower abdomen. All of this was amazing, just being with him. It was becoming impossible to control herself. Her feet slid up and her knees bent, she couldn't remember how to do anything but feel. The pleasure of him inside of her in any way was more than enough to make her orgasm a thousand times.

Swirling my tongue over her clit allowed more of her sweet juices to flow into my mouth. In the past, this was not allowed. She never herself just feel - be treated like a woman. It had always been rough and directly to the point. I pushed my thumb in her harder, rubbing the inside of her as much as I could. My erection was becoming painful, to the point that I wanted her all over again. Even after all the times she had told me no, denied me of anything, I kept this hope. Now, however, that she was not denying me, I felt as if perhaps she would do so again or that she'd come to her senses. I couldn't bear the thought of her doing so. My right hand slid up her body, fondling her breast, while my mouth worked at her clit.

The sound of her heartbeat grew faster. Not only could I hear it but I was able to feel it. Her clit throbbed against my tongue, her slick entrance welcoming me. Eyes closed as my tongue dipped inside her warm core. While hungrily tasting her, I moaned into her, wanting more. Everything about her, the scent, the taste, was driving me mad.

His tongue was like heaven, swirling over her clit; driving her wild. The past was nothing but a distant memory now, all she knew was here and now under his complete control. His thumb was a sweet feeling – one she'd never felt before – but not nearly as blissful as the real thing. She preferred making love but this was what he wanted and she surely did not mind it at all. When she opened her eyes just enough to look down at him, trying not to bite her lip to hard holding back soft moans of ecstasy, she saw that he was just as aroused as she: if not more. Her hands snaked their way down to his shoulders, grasping to hold him in place. The thought of never making love to him again killed her so she pushed it from her mind; knowing that upon their return he'd mention something about it. Her eyes fell shut once more as his hand slid up to fondle her breast. Nothing could ever top the way she felt with his hands on her.

As she felt her climax boiling inside of her she fought it, trying to savor the feeling of him tasting her: truly tasting her. His tongue moving down to replace his thumb was just about enough to do her in as her breathing hitched and she couldn't hold back much longer. Slowly her hands moved to run through his hair, needing him more now than ever. The first wave came rushing up as she tilted her head back and let it wash over her.

Feeling her first wave of passion against my tongue caused me to groan low and loud. I spread her legs, licking at her core harder than before, nipping from time to time. Her juices were sweet, something I could never grow tired of. Hands held her legs open in fear of her trying to close them. All the while as she hit wave after wave, I licked at her clit, running my teeth along her soft skin, swirling my tongue in her and out. After having my fill, and her satisfaction, I rubbed her softly with my thumb, kissing her inner thigh. Though I had not released, I was very aroused by the rush she had.

I stood from her, naked, and walked to the bag of goodies that I had brought along. While reaching in the bag, I looked her way with a delightful smirk. That bloody girl - my girl - could drive me crazy and still not be done with her damage. I pulled out a bottle of water and tossed it to her softly, careful not to hit her. Had to keep her hydrated if I wished to continue keeping her well. For myself, I chose a water as well, for I had forgotten to bring blood in the rush I had been in. Sitting at her side again, my hand rubbed her side while my lips went directly to her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss there. "So good, Buffy... thank you."

As the orgasm took her over, Buffy's mind recoiled within itself. She was bathing in memories of times she'd spent fighting with him, talking with him, fucking him, then last night, and then making love moments ago, then what he was in the process of completing. It all filled her mind and made all of the love – the passion – she felt for Spike flood out of her without warning. She couldn't imagine a sweeter way to reach her breaking point. Everything was clear to her; everything was new. It was as though she'd been given new eyes. Everything was good now: happy. He loved her, and she loved him. There was no question about it any longer. She knew they were meant to be and nothing could ever make that change - _nothing_. His thumb rubbing gently was the sweetest remedy for the sudden loss of energy she was feeling as he kissed her inner thigh.

Her eyes followed him, a burning desire to have him near once more. She watched the way his body moved as he walked: he was a man in love. He was a man who was happy, who was satisfied. The greatest pleasure she would ever experience was knowing she could make him that happy. That the smile on her face was because of her. When he threw the water to her, she caught it effortlessly and nodded at him in thanks before opening it to take a drink. Her breath caught up with her after she'd swallowed, and she hadn't realized it had grown so heavy. He was driving her nuts again already, and she was still calming down. When he came back to sit by her and she felt his lips on her shoulder an impish grin crossed her face. "Thank you." She whispered and leaned into him a little before turning her face up to kiss his jaw then sitting back up. She took another drink before turning her head to face him with all her emotions clear in her eyes.

I sat at her side, staring down at her. The view was lovely, seeing her ripe and ready from her latest orgasm. My hand stroked her hair, pushing the long locks from her face. This girl, my only girl, was more than enough for me. I got closer, tugging her into my arms so that I could feel her heat against mine. Eyes closed, blue hidden away in an abyss, while a hand stroked down her back. "How long do you want to stay down here, luv? Seeing as I can get around here easily, don't mind much where we are." My head dipped, my face escaping into her neck. Lips kissed at her flesh before teeth came out to play. They nipped at her skin while my hand slid along her side. I simply could not get enough of the slayer.

When he pulled her into his arms she collapsed without a fight and wrapped her arms around him. The devious smile she'd grown fond of spread across her lips before they began kissing his neck and jaw, then his cheeks, anywhere but his lips. His words caught her off guard. She hadn't thought of doing anything but lying in his arms the rest of the day – surely he didn't have any plans… "I'm more than happy to just rest in your arms the rest of the day; unless of course you want to do something." She looked into his eyes then briefly before he began nipping at her. A soft sigh escaped her before she could hold it back and she let her eyes fall shut as she rested her head against his chest, kissing any skin she saw. "I love you." She whispered, so silent she could barely hear it. It wasn't even directed toward him; she just couldn't resist saying it. Finally he knew how she'd felt after all this time. Finally she was honest enough with herself to be honest with him. Finally, she could let those three words flow out and feel the relief wash over her as he said it back. Those three words she needed to keep saying in fear she might forget them. There was never a time she could remember saying I love you just to say it to someone. Each time there was a reason – but with Spike she simply felt compelled to let him know exactly how she felt.

Her small voice, coming out in a mere whisper, was just loud enough for me to hear. "I had plans to ravish you for the rest of the day, but that could always change." I slid myself between her legs, kissed her neck and clavicles equaly. Hands grasped her hips, my cock rubbing against her. "I love you, Buffy... always will." Teeth bit at her neck softly, my breath starting to pick up slightly. "Can you feel this?" I rubbed my hard cock against her. "This is what you do to me." I sniffed her neck. "You scent." I licked her skin. "Your taste." My hands gripped her hips slightly harder, tugging her to me. "Your touch. All of it, Slayer - Buffy, I can't get enough." I rested my forehead on her chest. This fear of losing her was great. I knew that in the end we would have to return to Sunnydale and all things would crumble back to as they were before - the lack of touching, the lack of emotion. It would all fade to hard, epic work. I took in a deep breath, smelling her once again. "I think we should go see Clem tonight for dinner, or at least drop by and say hello... though we can do it any time you want."

Spike's words set her on fire. The pit of her stomach turned and the wetness grew between her legs. She looked at him through almost closed eyes. Focus was as good as impossible. Her head nodded the only way she could communicate; to tell him she liked his plans. Her breath grew slow and even as she listened to him while he spoke. The tone in his voice was like a symphony to her as her eyes fell closed. The thought of spending another second without him this close made her think gravely of death. There was not a damn thing anyone could do for her, just him being close. Her hands had been bracing his shoulders but now they were slithering down his chest to the rest on thighs. She kept her eyes closed before speaking. "You're mine. I don't want to ever spend another second without you." she whispered and kissed his collarbone. Any time is fine with me. Whenever you think Clem would prefer. I'm just glad to hear he's alright - I haven't heard from him in a while.

I would forever love this girl, those long golden locks of hair holding me close. She was effulgent to me in all of the right areas. A warrior that was more than just that, but a champion of the people. My hands caressed her back, holding her close to my chest. All I ever wanted to do was love her like she was supposed to be loved - something I thought Angel could never give her fully. Besides, she liked a little monster in her man, and that was something all of her previous boyfriends lacked. Again, my lips grazed her skin, absorbing the smallest joys. "Oh, Buffy... and you're mine. I'm yours, always will be until you no longer wish it." My eyes closed, my muscles relaxing. For a brief second I rested there on top of her, wishing to never move from her heat. However, the thought of squishing her came to mind and I was forced to move to her side once more, pulled her, instead, on top of me. "I am quite sure that he won't mind when we show up. Clem always expects odd visits from me when I'm up here. When we are done here we can stop there, 'right pet?"

Buffy listened to him, longing for him to never stop touching her. His last few words, '_…until you no longer wish it_' struck a cord she hadn't thought of before. What happened when he got sick of her? When she grew old and wrinkly and he stayed forever beautiful; frozen in time. She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind, refusing to let anything stop her from enjoying any time he allowed her to spend with him. When he rolled off of her and pulled her on top she smiled at him softly, kissing his collar bone ever so lightly. "That sounds alright with me." The words came out as a whisper but she knew he'd hear them and she rested her head on his chest, never wanting to move. Nobody could ever make her feel the way he did – like her heart was broken and fixed in the same instant, every single time he looked at her like she was something special. There was nothing to it and at the same time it was the grandest gesture anyone had ever made for her. His smile was the most intoxicating piece of art she ever laid eyes on – and his body was twice as enjoyable. That tone in his voice when he said her name silently letting her know nobody would ever mean as much as she in his world. It was all the little things he did that made her so lost without him.

All the things she couldn't stand were the things she missed most when he wasn't close. It was almost like she couldn't breathe without him near – like she'd drop dead without him in her sight. A part of her thought there was something wrong with her, for being unable to carry on as well without him by her side. It was just the love they shared all along, and now she was finally seeing that. "I never, never want to be without you," she whispered, kissing his jaw softly, "Never." She repeated in a barely audible voice.

Hands continued to stroke her sides, feeling her womanly curves against my pale, hard chest. Hues became hidden behind heavy eye lids while we rested for a moment, simply enjoying the company of one another. This bloody woman, God how she drove me mad! All I had ever wanted was her approval, her in general. Now, with her in my arms, I couldn't get enough. After years of being pushed aside, not accepted, I felt this need to make up for it. I could regather myself and be ready to make love to her once more at any given moment, but I had to worry about her. Though a Slayer, she was still mortal. She had to worry about exhaustion. I, on the other hand, just had to worry about keeping myself in check - couldn't go in overdrive and hurt the girl while moving myself in her.

It felt nice, to simply sit back and hold her in my arms. I had wanted this for so long. Dreamt this day over and over again. My girl, forever mine. A hand slid lower from her hip, cupping her buttocks to hold her close to my naked body. This was perfect. To be able to search her body over, to feel her instead of being slapped away. Her soft kisses and words made me smile. _Bird really does love me._ "Buffy, luv, shhh... I'm here. I'm yours. Never leaving. Don't worry." I pulled her into a deep kiss, holding her there for a passionate embrace, before pulling back to gaze into her eyes. "Slayer, even after we get back to Sunnydale, I'm here. I always have been, just never let me in."

His hands running down her body, touching her – setting fire to her. Buffy let her eyes fall shut as she surrendered to the bliss running through her; the aftermath of their love. Being with Spike was so much more to her than any relationship she could ever have so she let herself bathe in the happiness it brought her. His never-ending life left possibilities endless to him; but she, a mere mortal, did not. If he chose he could up and leave at any point. There was nothing tying him to her other than the love she could feel coming off of him to her in waves. There was no doubt in her mind that when Spike said always he meant it, but that didn't stop her from wondering why. He must've met a million and one women much more loveable – easier to deal with – than her; yet here he was.

"I don't know why I never saw it before, but I see it now Spike." She whispered as though she was afraid she'd wake up from a dream if she spoke too loud. "You're everywhere within me, around me. You're everything. I'm drowning in you and I can't imagine a better way to be. Laying here in your arms is like living and dying in the same moment. I can't fathom what it is that makes you love me, but I hope I never do a thing to change it. You're so wonderful and amazing…" her words trailed off as her breathe caught. She couldn't keep a single thought running in her mind long enough to finish what she was saying.

There had been many times in my mortal life that I had wanted to do this - hold a woman and hear her spill out just how much she loved me. Never had it happened while a mortal, and so rare was it during my undead life. Dru had her own ways of showing love, though her words often made little to no sense at all. I heard all of Buffy's, actually heard and understood. My hands ran along her sides, holding her close to me. This caressing was making me want her again, in all sorts of ways. However, I kept my mind focused on her words, not my hands.

"I'm here, Buffy... until you want me gone. I'm always here. Come on. Let's get up, get dressed. Wanna do a few more things before the day ends. Unless, you want to stay here, luv." I stood up, still naked, and partially hard from my soft touches. Just her voice alone could bring me to begging for her touches. Everything about her was exotic. It was the vampire and Slayer bond - my desire blended with my love. I couldn't get enough of her. God, how I wanted her again!

Buffy sighed and leaned into him just as he began speaking. She let his words sink in, knowing he meant them. When he stood she looked up at him. His body was so very perfect, so very visible there before her. It took all of her will power to stand up beside him without jumping on him. She nodded as she glanced around for her clothes then stopped. "You know I'll never not want you, don't you? I want you in my life until the ends of time." She whispered the second half before turning around again to resume looking for her clothes. When she spotted her bathing suit top she grabbed it and pulled it on, then her bottoms. Buffy tried not to focus on the heat pooling in her lower abdomen and rather on the task at hand – putting clothes on. After retrieving the clothes she'd put on that morning and pulling them on over her bikini she looked at him once more. Whatever he had planned, she was ready for. As much as she wanted to spend the rest of the day making love to him she understood she couldn't. Not only because it was indecent, but because physically she'd be dying come nightfall.

"What's on the agenda?" She asked as she decided to give her body a short rest and do whatever he had planned. She'd need her energy later – that she knew for sure. All the time she'd spent wasting being upset with him for nothing… This time they were spending together would make up for that. Slowly, she took a couple steps closer to him, and a small smirk spread across her face at the thought of what she'd be doing with him when they finally returned to his house.

It took a lot of control to hold back and not take her against the wall. I had to look away when she bent over to grab her clothes. My mind and body both told me to take her, make her mine over and over again. _Gotta let the girl rest, Spike. Ain't good to have you're woman all tired out._ After she had dressed, I gathered my own clothes, slipping on my jeans first to hide my growing erection. After seeing her in clothes, my body seemed to calm down. I went on to gather the things I had brought. "We gotta get up to the house, Slayer. Drop off all this before going on with anything else. Maybe take a shower... together?" My brow quirked, my tongue lashing out against my bottom lip. Even in clothes she looked damn good.

I put the backpack on my back, holding out my hand for her to take. "Before we leave, we can come back here to have a bit of relaxin' time for ya." I began to lead the way out, crawling and pushing the bag through the part where we had to crawl. Back on the trail, I felt the crisp air touch my skin. It'd be cold for my girl. The trees were coated in a small blanket of snow. Quite the sight. I put my hand out, offering her help if need be. I wanted everything to be a surprise. I knew she asked what we were going to do, but I couldn't bloody well tell her! All about surprises...

Her eyes followed his every movement as he gathered up the stuff he'd brought and they began their way out. It was so easy for her to fall into the heat of the moment so it took every bit of self control to not jump on him when they finally got out. She couldn't focus on much due to the lust-filled thoughts consuming her, so she just nodded when she stood up and brushed herself off. He looked so amazing there in front of here in the cold air. It was a sight she never wanted to forget so she tucked it away for safe keeping in the depths of her mind. When he held a hand out for her she walked to him and wrapped her arms around him before burying her head in his chest. "Just hold me till we get back?" She smiled up at him as they began walking.

It was obvious that he wasn't going to answer her question regarding his plans for the day. Just like Spike to want everything to be a surprise for her. He was always thinking of little ways to make her smile – though with him it took little to nothing. Nobody could make her happier than he did, and he was the only definite thing to her at the moment. Nothing else made any sense. All she knew was she wanted to be with him until the end of the world.

Seeing her crawl through the last of the tunnel, eyes sneaking a view at the last bit of cleavage, was enough to make me hiss. When she curled up to my chest, I closed my eyes, wanting to nip at her neck and take her all over again. "God, Slayer... do you know what you're doin'?" I pushed my groin against her, allowing the bulge to rub against her stomach. Eyes scanned the area, unable to hold back anymore. I spotted a tree with low branches, a perfect place for us. My arms tugged her to me, half dragging her and half picking her up, as I made my way to the tree. "Look," I motioned to the low branches. "Use those." I unzipped my pants, freeing my hard cock. "Can't stand not being in you. Want to stay that way forever, Slayer. Always." I began to fidget with her jeans, wanting to rip them off her but remembered the cold. Instead, I removed one pant leg, swinging it over her shoulder and hoisted her so her legs would wrap around my waist.

Now between her legs, I took in a gasp from feeling her heat. I wasn't even in yet and I could feel my girl's heat. My lips crashed to her's, needing the connection again. "Buffy, please... let me..." I cupped her buttocks, not wanting her soft cheeks to rub against the harsh bark of the tree. I rubbed her entrance with my large digit, teasing us both more than just her.

Buffy could see the hunger in his eyes as he asked his question. She couldn't surpress the proud smirk crossing her face as she batted her eyes at him, mocking innocence. The need was mutual already but when he pressed closer to her she let out a small gasp. It wasn't that she hadn't noticed his erection - it was hard not to notice - but it was easier to pretend she didn't notice when it wasn't against her. When he pulled her over to the trees she bit her lower lip before grabbing one of the lower branches for support as he took care of their clothes. His words were coming out in her favorite tone of voice as she watched his hands on her jeans. The cold air went unnoticed as he finally got one leg off and over her shoulder. She wrapped her free leg around him and kissed his neck, nodding at his words to show she agreed. The pool of desire growing between her thighs burned more at his touch.

"Oh, Spike, please just take me now, please!" she begged him, needing to feel him inside her more than ever, "Forever, never stop!" She whispered between the kisses she was planting along his neck, collar bone, and jaw. Nothing could describe the way she felt when he took control like this. It was as though for once she didn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders. He was in control and she loved it more than he'd ever know. Nobody could make her feel like a normal girl and someone special at the same time - nobody but him.

Her words, her touches, all just pushing me forth into lust. My hips moved forward, pushing myself into her hot, tight core. My lips released a whimper, nails clawing at her buttocks that I held so protectively in my hands. My head tilted forward, resting on her shoulder as I allowed her a moment to adjust... and myself to gather my control. A gust of wind swept along us, making me feel just how warm she was against me. Tight and so warm. My eyes closed, unable ot keep them open. I drove my hips back, before viciously thrusting them forward. I grunted, gripping her slightly harder. I groaned loudly, hearing it echo in the woods around us. My hips began to drive into her, pushing my long shaft deep within her tight pussy. Her juices were coating my now, allowing my cock to slip in easier than before. My movements grew harder, my control lingering only by a tiny thread.

_She's only a girl... don't hurt the girl... can't hurt the girl._ When I noticed my movements were rough, I opened my eyes and stopped all my motions. Eyes searched her face for some of disapproval, something to tell me to stop. I was panting as if I needed the air, my face a bit whiter than it had been just a moment ago. My lips touched her's, softly caressing while I rubbed her soft cheeks that were protected by my hands from not only the tree, but the cold. "Sorry, luv... Carried away... Love you... always." I spoke between kisses, trying to apologize for my rough state with her. Again with control, I began to move my hips slower, though yet pleasurable for us both.

Buffy's eyes widened at the feeling of him finally pushing into her. As he let her adjust she took calm, even breathes. Spike's hands on her bottom were soothing as he crashed into her with a speed no regular man could match. Nothing could feel better than sex with Spike. Soft sweet moans escaped her lips when a loud groan came out of his, echoing throughout the woods. Buffy arched her back to allow him deeper penetration as well as extra friction. As he pounded into her, rougher than before, she let go of the branch with one hand to claw at his back. Her lips brushed along his jaw on their way to his lips. His sudden stop startled her and she leaned back a little to look him in the eye. Why had he stopped? She listened to Spike with a smile as he spoke between gentle kisses. "Oh, Spike." she whispered. He never stopped amazing her.

"Don't worry, it's fine." She whispered again before kissing him passionately. His slower, more concentrated thrusts sent chills up her spine. It was the most incredible feeling in the world when he made love to her. Being with Spike was unlike anything she'd ever known. Without even trying he knew all the right moves, the perfect touches. When to kiss her, and how to drive her wild with a groan. Nobody Buffy had ever been with knew how to make her feel amazing the way Spike did.

Her lack of refusal made me grin. I was still in awe about her loving me. I couldn't help but to doubt it to some degree. I wanted to love her 'til the bloody end of my life, even ifit be this next moment. I wanted her and only her, forever... until the end. I moved my hips harder, though no faster. I felt myself go deeper as she arched her back, making my groan against her soft skin. "Buffy... luv... oh pet..." My hands caressed her rump while I thrust myself into her, filling her tight pussy to the rim. This is what I had wanted with her so long ago, this bond that was so much more than just bodies connecting. I wanted to touch her hair, to caress her soft breasts. With my hands to her bottom, I could not or her skin would rub against the tree. Instead, I bent down, taking her left nipple into my mouth.

His slow pace seemed to drive her into oblivion without him intending to. She rested her head on his shoulder as she felt her orgasm building up. Every inch of her body was screaming for more of him to be inside of her, to be around her, to be touching her all over. His body was sculpted perfectly and she rolled her head back a little to take the sight of him in as her free hand clawed at his shoulder. Spike knew her body better than she did, it seemed. He was hitting all the right buttons. She bit her lower lip and moaned loudly as he paid attention to her breasts, especially her left nipple. Before she could stop herself she bit into his shoulder lightly, feeling the sheer bliss overcome her. Everything about this moment was perfect to her, she loved being with Spike more than she needed air. He was the only thing she'd ever enjoy being addicted to. Nothing meant more to her than seeing a smile on his face, curling up in his arms at the end of the day, knowing that he would love her until the end of time. She couldn't have picked a better way to spend the rest of her life.

The Slayer's body felt like Heaven to me, not that I knew what the bloody hell Heaven felt like. She was my personal goddess, my drug. Eyes closed as I continued to thrust myself in her, slow with much power behind it. Her teeth bit hard into my shoulder, making my hips suddenly grind forward against her. Knuckles rubbed harshly against the bark of the tree, making me hiss from both pain and pleasure. This girl was bloody amazing. Always making me want more. Always making me need more of her. "Buffy... love you... can't... can't get enough." The wind at my back caused me to move against her, cover her body from the cold tearing at our bodies. I pulled from her, slowly sliding myself back in with a grunt. Everything about the Slayer was enough to throw me over the edge. Our previous years of violence would have never thought to have led to this.I pulled back so eyes could connect. Still moving in and out of her, I watched her facial expressions with a smirk on my lips. My head dips forward, catching her lips in a slow kiss that pools my love into her mouth.

Every second with him was sheer agonizing ecstasy. She was losing her mind and finding their love every time she closed her eyes and let out a moan of pleasure to let him know he was doing all the right things. It wasn't that she didn't love sex with him every time, it was just somehow better when it was more of a hunger. That itch you just absolutely had to scratch or you'd go completely insane. Every second with Spike left her yearning for him, she realized as she felt her inner walls throbbing around him. The orgasm was about to spill over and she was trying to hold it off until he was ready too. His pleasure – his bliss – was all that really mattered to her. Buffy couldn't let herself think of what would happen when they returned to Sunnydale. Her head was too busy swirling around him anyways; there was no way she could keep one thought going long enough to end. Everything was incoherent. "Love you too, Spike… So much…" She whispered between long hushed moans. Their bodies were moving in perfect rhythm now; she was clawing at his shoulders needing him to be closer if it were possible. When his lips caught hers she poured all her love into the kiss and let her moans escape into his mouth. His cool body felt perfect against her hot figure. The wind was a soft bonus, she didn't mind it one bit. Nothing could bother her in this moment – this state of mind.

Hands grasped her buttocks harder, needing to feel that release. It was building, causing all the right sorts of pain in all the right area. I was holding back, trying to give my girl the best she could have. Our lips and bodies moved in perfect strides, each meeting the other half way. I was eager for more, simply needing to feel her surround me until the day I was dust. Oh, how I bloody loved her. Bloody needed her. All the time. I hissed, parting my lips from her own as my head tilted back. "Oh..." I grunted, thrusting into her tight core harder than I had just a few seconds ago. With three sharp gasps, my cum began to fill her. Teeth gritted together to stop from biting her, eyes closed from the sensations. Shot after shot of my seed drove in her.

After feeling my own release, I stood between her legs with my head resting on her shoulder. I had no need to breathe, but it was a habit that had always been hard to kill. The love making had been a lot on my side, making me pant for air in desperate gasps. With my hands still on her bottom, thumbs rubbed her cheeks with a smile on my face. Lips pressed to her's, holding her there for a second, with my cock still inside of her, before pulling out with a grunt. The girl was bloody marvelous! I could never get tired of her.

When she finally felt him release, she came with him. Her voice was a little louder than she'd meant it to be as she screamed his name, kissing him to muffle it as best she could. It was obvious he was in another world, as was she. She couldn't remember a time she'd ever felt better than this second. Every nerve ending in her body was tingling with the ecstasy she was feeling, it was rolling through her in long crashing waves. Her fingers clawed at him before running up his shoulders to tangle in his hair. She gasped as her orgasm came to an end and collapsed into him. Taking long, even breaths she kissed his neck and jaw as he calmed down. Nobody could make her so happy, he was addicting. She'd never tire of the feeling he gave her.

When he finally pulled out of her, she fought the urge to pull him tighter to her. Every time they finished she found herself getting ready all over again. Just seeing him set her on fire; he was all she could see when it was just them. Almost as if they were in their own little world – everything was perfect. She took a second to gather herself before pulling her pant leg back on and buttoning them up. Once she was sure she looked alright, she faced him once more, needing to touch him somehow. Instead of clinging to her like her head was telling her to, she took his hand and leaned up to kiss him softly. "I love you, I love you." She whispered, as she stared up into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I love you, Buffy..." My lips touched her's, sending a shock of joy through my body. So close. I never wanted this weekend to end. My hands cupped her buttocks, rubbing them with my thumbs. My girl. My sweet, sweet girl, had the power to drive me mad and beg for a little bit more. Hands continue to hold her to me until, finally, with much effort, I place her on the ground without allowing her bare foot to touch the snow. "Stay here. I'll get your shoe. Get on your pant leg, Slayer." I slid myself back in my jeans, zipping up myself before searching for her lot shoe. Finding it, I walked back to her, a grin on my face. "This tree here sure came in handy... wonder what else we can have sex against." With a wink, I got down to help her on with her shoe. After doing so, I stood, staring at the girl of my dreams. "So beautiful..." My hand cupped her cheek. I could not deny another kiss for her lips were just too close to do that. I growled softly before tugging her face forward, pushing her softly against the tree as my hands roamed over her body as my tongue did so to her mouth.

I pulled back, jaws clenched and eyes low. "God Slayer... can't keep my bloody hands off you. Let's get back to the house. Nearly lunch hour for you." Eyes scanned her's, not wanting to let this weekend go. I knew when we would return to Sunnydale that this, all of this, would never be allowed. We would have to fall back in to our normal scenes, fighting and bickering like an old married couple. She could love me here, but never in front of her Watcher and best friends - that much I knew for a fact. Though Nibblet would allow it, and be rather pleased, the others would frown and look down upon her for loving me. Tough role it was, to be a Slayer. This was it. This weekend was all I had of her love. Eyes fell from her face, hands digging in my pockets for a cigarette that I quickly lit.

She did as he asked and watched him with loving eyes as he helped her put her shoe back on. He was always doing the sweetest things and not even realizing what it meant to her. "I'm sure we could find something…" she said with a small laugh before kissing him back. His growl awakened the desire all over again, sending her in a tailspin. If she wasn't careful she'd end up being the one shoving him against something. When he pulled away, she whimpered quietly in protest before gathering herself and meeting his eyes. "Yeah, I guess so." She nodded at his statement about lunch as her stomach growled a little. She hadn't even realized how much time passed while they were in their own little world. She watched as he pulled out a cigarette and let a small smile cross her lips as she inhaled the familiar secondhand scent. She'd grown to love everything about him, including the things that used to bother her the most. After watching him for a minute, Buffy took a step in the direction of the house. "Let's go, I am kind of hungry." She laughed softly, trying not to come off as impatient. Standing there was just making her want him; she needed to occupy her mind with something other than ideas involving him naked.

Buffy's hands slid into her pockets as she let her mind wander. Her first thoughts were about how much she loved the man standing before her. He was so wonderful to her, not that she deserved it. The things she'd done to him… she'd used him for Christ's sake! Next, she thought about how things would be when they returned home. Of course she couldn't just show up all in love with him, they'd think she'd lost her mind, or was under a spell. Xander and Giles might even think of having her committed. Dawn of course would love it, she almost loved Spike more than Buffy did. Willow might understand. She was the only one other than Tara who had been sympathetic about the whole situation. Shaking her head, she pushed the thoughts away. This weekend was perfect, why ruin it with thoughts of what's to come? So she took a step towards him and planted a soft kiss on his cheek, "You're amazing, I love you Spike." She whispered before taking his cigarette-free hand.

I grinned at her stomach growl, the way she was speaking. Everything just built up. "Come on, then... I'll get you something to eat." Even that sounded sexual. My hand grasped her's, holding it tight to show I'd never let her go. I began to walk down the trail, holding my girl's hand, while looking over the trees. "I used to love it here. My own place away from the others. Dru knew I had a secret that I wouldn't tell... and if Angelus ever knew," I flicked the dead cigarette aside. "He'd take it. Of them all, Darla would have understood, stayed the hell away, and respected me." I looked over to Buffy, her face so innocent. This couldn't be real. Just couldn't. I wanted this weekend to be perfect, yet I couldn't help but to think of what would happen when we got back. She had a job - a calling - that she could not deny. I would never hold her back.

When we rounded the corner, now able to see the house, the snow family came into sight. Jaws clenched, another cigarette was pulled from my pocket and lit within seconds. I could never give her that. I sighed, pushing the thoughts aside, and looked over to her with a small smile. "Take off your boots before we go in luv. I'll make you something to eat." I kicked off my shoes, kissing her forehead, and walked into the kitchen. Putting out the cigarette, I began to search for something to make her. Yet, my mind kept going back to the snow family outside. I bloody well wanted to go out there and kick them back into just bits of snow... but it was a good reminder of what I wasn't and never could be - a man.

Buffy listened as he spoke, nodding when she felt it was appropriate. When she heard him say Angelus a hard pang hit her chest. Bits and pieces of memories from the time she knew Angelus flooded into her mind and she pushed them away. He'd done a number on her psyche. When they rounded a corner and she saw the snow she'd been playing around in earlier, her eyes drifted over it all as a smile crossed her lips. She looked over at him then saw his jaw clinch as his eyes fell upon the stupid little snow family she'd made. Slowly she took a deep breath, noting that he'd lit another cigarette. Something he only seemed to do when he was bothered – chain smoking. She let the thought fade away as they reached the back door. Before taking off her boots and following him, she stomped back over to the stupid snow family and smashed it so it was nothing. Turning on her heal, she walked back to the door, kicked off her boots, and went inside.

Quietly, she stood watching him for a second as he looked through the food. With a little laugh she went to stand beside him and cleared her throat. "You know, I can make myself food." She laughed, "Do you have bread? I'll make a peanut butter sandwich." She smiled at him, hoping he'd relax a little as her arms dropped back to her sides, "You need to take some time for yourself. Your doing all these wonderful things for me." She gestured to her surroundings offhandedly, "But you haven't done a single thing for yourself, not that I know of anyways. I get that you want this to be relaxing for me but I want you to be able to relax also." She looked at him before pulling one of his hands to her lips and kissing the back of it.

I saw her go outside, not knowing what she was doing. I kept searching for something to make, anything to keep my mind off of our return tomorrow. I cleared my throat as she entered, her words and scent filling the air. "Pet, a peanut butter sandwich? Even I wouldn't eat that. This weekend was for you to relax. Sit. I'll make something. Besides, never had a guest here, besides Clem, to cook for. Got to put this kitchen to good use." I sighed, watching her kiss my hand. I only offered a short grin before cupping her cheek. "Go, sit down. I'll make soup." If only she knew... I had done things for myself. Or, actually to. The first time, alone in my room, I had pleasured myself since I hadn't been able to sleep. Never really had guests here. After being turned, all I had ever done was take care of someone. I just felt it was right.

I pulled out a pot and pan, grabbing cheese, butter, bread, and a can of soup. "If you really want to help, you can warm a lil' bit of blood, Slayer. Sound fair? I make yours and you make mine?" I began to make her a grilled cheese, with soup warming. I pointed out where she could find blood and while her soup was warming, I stared in it like a pit. I had tonight and part of the next day to be with her. "Wh-...when do you want to leave tomorrow? I'm sure the potentials and such are waiting for you."

"Fine," Buffy nodded in defeat as he told her he'd cook, "But for your information, a peanut butter sandwich is really good." She smirked and walked to the table before sitting down in one of the chairs and watching him. He didn't seem to be giving up on this pampering thing he had taken to. It didn't bother her a lot, she just felt bad she couldn't do anything for him in return. When he asked her to heat up his blood she resisted the urge to taunt him by saying she was already warm and stood to get it ready for him. Walking in the direction he pointed, she thought briefly about what was stopping him from biting her. She'd been thinking about it more and more lately. It wasn't like he was going to kill her, she knew he'd never hurt her. Why hadn't he even asked about it? Angel had even drank from her – though that was more of a life or death matter. Once she'd retrieved the blood she began heating it, clearing her mind of anything having to do with Angel. Thinking about him in the presence of Spike couldn't be an okay thing. It was wrong, wasn't it?

"Leave?" she half questioned, half let out with a sigh. Leaving was something she really didn't want to think about. "I don't know… As late as we can without it being dangerous?" she asked with a soft smile before pouring his now heated blood into a cup. "They have to figure out how to manage on their own sooner or later. It's not like I'll be around forever…" she whispered the last part before turning to face him fully. "When do you want to leave?"

After she filled the cup, I caught the last bit of her words and frowned. "Don't talk like that. Lost you once and..." My jaws clenched, unable to speak for a second. "As long as I'm around, pet, I'll make sure nothing happens." I could tell something was on her mind. It was obvious by her scent. It smelt cloudy. "I was thinking we should leave as the sun sets tomorrow night, stop by Clem's before that so he doesn't think we forgot him." I poured her soup into a bowl, flipping her grilled cheese onto a plate, and carried it to the table for her with a spoon. I sat at the table, looking down to my full glass of blood. Eyes looked up, catching her neck that held little scars from the fangs of my grandsire. I could never hurt her. Not again. Eyes fell back to my glass. "You okay, Slayer? Haven't heard a smart ass remark from you in about an hour." My try at a joke... sad. A soft grin covered my lips before I sat back in my chair to study her.

Seeing her there, before me, almost made it real. The time limit kept coming back to mind, making me see that it was indeed fake. All I would ever want was for her to stay with me forever. However, her Watcher had other plans. I had lost the Slayer once. Felt that pain and I didn't wish to do so again any time soon.

"You can't keep me safe forever Spike… Unless you were to," she stopped then, and turned to walk back to the table. "That sounds good, I'll be glad to see Clem." She smiled lightly and picked up the sandwich before pulling off a piece and sticking it in her mouth. She watched his eyes and realized they were on her neck before subconsciously turning her head a little to hide the scar. Spike knew how those marks had gotten there, and she knew he probably hated it. "I'm perfect." She smiled at him before returning her attention to the food in front of her. Once she'd polished off another bite of the sandwich she picked up the spoon to eat the soup. "What about you? Are you alright? You seem all broody." She almost laughed, thinking back to the last broody man she'd known and focused on the soup. Today just didn't seem to be a day for her to think before speaking, or doing for that matter.

The thought of going home repulsed her. Going back to being the slayer, not Buffy, would be worse than hell on Earth. Nothing could make her happier than staying here with him forever but of course she had to go back. It was her job – her duty – taking care of everyone around her, everyone in the world. Sometimes she wished she could just walk away, but underneath it all she sort of loved it. Fighting to save people, innocent people, from the things that go bump in the night. How many people could say they'd stopped the apocalypse… multiple times? Not many, that was for sure. Still, for just a moment, she wished she could live a normal life here with Spike.

My head shot up when I heard what I think she said. Turn her? I could never do that. Couldn't take away her joy, her life. I couldn't damn her to a life with me. She deserved to live and live happy, not with a monster like myself. I cleared my throat, unable to focus on the blood in the cup. "I'm fine, Slayer. Lil' bit distracted, but fine." I stood from the table, walking to the sink and tossed dishes in it. The cup of blood she made me nearly got dumped in, but I thought better, to not hurt her feelings. Just wasn't hungry. Had too much going on upstairs. Broody... Angel. He was on her mind? Right now? Of all times? Couldn't help but to feel jealous and hurt all at once. Of course she would be thinking of him. He was her first and true love, not me. I was the other monster that she would never love as much as she would Angel, because of his soul. I peeked over at her. How could I be so bloody stupid? Just as Dru was, Buffy would forever love Angel.

I dumped the blood down the sink, washing it down with running water. I hit it off and rubbed the back of my head, avoiding eye contact with her. "Go ahead and finish up. I'm going to shower and clean up a bit." I left the room after that, stomping up to my room, and shut the door behind me. Not only did I shut it, but I clicked the lock into place. I sat on my bed, running my hands over my face trying to piece it all together. This weekend was about her. I couldn't upset her at this point. _Pull yourself together, you git._ I stood from the bed, started the shower, and quickly slipped in. "You'll never be enough, Spike... Never. Bloody fool. Will never be him."

Buffy knew from the instant he said he was fine that she'd made a mistake in calling him broody. She'd made a mistake in opening her mouth, wasn't that always happening? They were doing so well, then she opened her mouth. 'Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.' She silently scolded herself as she finished her sandwich with distaste. Suddenly, her appetite was gone and she was ready to hurl herself in front of a bus. Her eyes followed his every move. He seemed to have lost his appetite as well, he was about to pour the cup of blood down the sink before he stopped himself. How could she be such an idiot? Why did she always say the things she knew would hurt him most? Was this some way of her punishing herself? 'You're an idiot; you're not punishing yourself alone. You're bringing him down with you. Knock it off Buffy!' she thought as he spoke. He was going to take a shower while she sat down here and ate? Beautiful. After he was out of site she cleaned off the dishes she'd used and silently crept upstairs. When she heard the shower turn on a few seconds later, she fought the urge to strip and join him. "Sex can't always fix our problems. I want him to know this is real for me." She whispered to herself before deciding on what to do.

Once she'd changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top, she pulled her hair up into a bun and opened the door to the bathroom. Instead of doing what her body told her to do, she shut the door behind her and leaned against the counter, staring at him in the shower. "I'm sorry." She said quietly, knowing he'd hear her just fine. "I wasn't thinking when I said…" she let her words trail off. "I love you Spike, I really mean it when I say it. He's my past. You're my future." She whispered the last part, unsure if he would still want that. The way she was acting might've put him off, and she'd understand if it did. "Sometimes, my words get away from me." She crossed her arms protectively over her chest, ready for him to be upset with her.

I was tempted to sit in a ball on the floor of the shower to figure out everything in my mind. I could smell her grow closer as she made her way up the steps. I began to wash my hair, tilting my head back with closed. With the jell all washed out of my hair, only curls remained. I began to lather my body when she entered her room. So, just as I was rinsing off, I heard her voice. So soft and full of pain. "Slayer, I'm fine... just needed a shower." That's right, Spike. Make it all seem okay. "Slayer, just drop it. I know... you don't need to explain. Just... let it go." The water ran over my body, making bubbles float down the drain. I just wanted to forget and go on with out weekend.

His words stung worse than if he had lashed out at her. She was prepared for anger, but not for this. The words coming from his mouth seemed empty – void of emotion. She glanced down at her shoes before nodding. Once again tears were pooling in her eyes. 'What is with me and this emotional bullshit lately?' she thought before turning towards the door and walking out. How could she stand in there and get him to understand if the fight wasn't left in her. At this point he was probably ready to take her back and never look at her again. She must look like a big idiot in his eyes. Buffy took a deep breath as she climbed onto the bed and curled up into a ball. This was pointless, she knew that, but she wanted to be able to feel sad. To feel. Back at home she couldn't curl up and cry because she didn't get her way, she had to carry on fighting. This was supposed to be a weekend for her to relax wasn't it? Relaxing to her would be feeling for once. Something being a slayer seldom let her do. She listened to the water as she cried softly on the bed. Spike had to be sick of her and all of the games she was playing. 'I'd be sick of me.' She thought with disgust riddled in the words.

I nodded through the shower. It had to be this way for right now. Had nothing nice to say, so act as if I had nothing to say at all. When the door shut, I sighed, closed my eyes, and bent over. What was I bloody thinking? I sat on the floor now, thinking of what exactly I was doing. I could hear her crying, though she didn't think I could. I let out a sigh and tilted my head back, unable to do much about what it was that I was feeling. "Bloody hell..." I shut off the water and with a towel on my waist, entered my room to dress. I grabbed my large drawing pad, pencils, and eraser to head down the steps. Half way down the hall, I stopped, turning back to Buffy's door. "Slayer..." I knocked. "I'll be downstairs." I placed my palm to the door, wanting so badly to barge in there and gather her in my arms. I couldn't.

I set up a fire downstairs, noticing it wasn't as warm as it had been earlier. I flipped through the pages, looking for a clean sheet, finally finding it after a dozen and a half filled ones. My hand began to sketch the familiar shape of Buffy. Clem stepped in through the back door, looking around. "Um... Spike? Buddy? I brought you guys some more firewood." He looked to the living room to find a fire and me sitting by it. "Oh! Hey you! Is she up there sleeping? Sunnydale is quite intense, wouldn't doubt it if she slept for the whole weekend."

"She's in bed, yeah. Sorry we hadn't gone over, mate. Thanks for all of this." I finished the drawing as Clem and I spoke about what had been going on, everything that included the last few days and sex with Buffy. When the drawing was done, I tossed it in the fire, enraged at myself.

"Well, Spike... why not just say sorry?" I glared at him as if he were cheating at kitten poker again.

Buffy shook her head as she laid in the bed. "This is pointless. He's probably laughing at you." She whispered to herself as she wiped the most recent tears from her face and tried to stop crying. Of course he could hear her, he was a vampire. When she heard a light knocking at the door followed by his voice her heart dropped a little. "You're like a twelve year old." She whispered before getting out of the bed and walking to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realized her shorts had rolled up a little so she fixed them, then straightened out her shirt before letting her hair down and running a brush through it. "You can be strong, you are strong." She said to the reflection before pulling her hair back up into a bun. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she trudged back into the bedroom to find her bag and pull on a sweater. Somehow, she didn't feel as confident as she wanted herself to believe. "Buffy, you're being childish. Just go down there, don't say anything, and get a drink or something. The ball is in his court, isn't it?" she whispered before tip-toeing to the door.

Slowly, she crept down the hall to the stairs, sure he couldn't possibly hear her. When she reached the top step she stopped and leaned against the wall. Someone was down there with Spike. 'It must be Clem,' she thought before making her way down as silent as she could. Instead of walking past them she went straight to the kitchen and began her hunt for a glass to get some water. That's all she'd do, get some water then go back upstairs. Once she found a glass she walked to the sink to fill it up and drank it slowly. 'He's just talking to Clem… Why does that bother me? Is it because he seems to be immune to feelings regarding this little riff between us?' Buffy's thoughts were beginning to drown her, so she shook her head, cleaned the glass, and returned it to the place she'd found it before creeping back out.

On her way to the stairs, she noticed he had a fire going, and longed to be sitting beside him. Curled up in his arms, enjoying the warmth, relaxing; but sadly she knew she couldn't. He was upset with her, so she owed him his time. Instead of listening to her heart, she followed the directions her brain was sending out and headed for the stairs to make her way back to the bedroom. One by one she took them, hoping he might come stop her. Tell her she was worrying for nothing, that he loved her. No, it didn't happen. So she stopped at the top of the stairs and once more leaned against the wall, straining to hear his voice. 'That's all I want. To hear his voice before I go back in and lay down.' The thought was innocent enough, but she knew he'd be upset if he knew she was sitting there listening to his conversation, so she turned to walk to the room reluctantly.

"Clem... you don't bloody well understand mate. She is the most difficult woman I've ever met! Besides my mum, that is. I love her and yet I feel like it isn't enough." I began to sketch a new drawing of her, this time, her face was frowning in it. More like a scowl actually. I had no intentions of making her happy for I knew she wasn't at this point of time.

Clem stood, shaking his head. "That's part of the mortal life, man. Marriage is meant to make you both miserable." I shot him a glance. "Not that you two are married or anything! Just the love bit, it's the same Spike. She loves, or loved, Angel - he was there first. Part of her will always love him like part of you will always love Drusilla. The first love is forever, to some degree." Clem attempted to comfort me, though it was only making it worse. "Look, let me go get us some glasses and a bottle. You look like you could use a drink." I nodded my head, unable to deny that.

"Maybe you're right..." I placed the paper down, unable to continue drawing Buffy over and over and over again. Clem entered the kitchen, sensing something was off. If not for my pissyness, I would have smelt Buffy coming down the steps. Clem though, his emotions and head were straight. He felt the other being near. Placing the glass and bottle of Jack aside, he followed the scent to the stairs, looking up to find Buffy.

Downstairs, I tugged out the guitar and began to softly play to myself, hoping to calm myself more than all else. "Hey.. Buffy. We thought you were sleeping. Feel free to come on down and join us, silly. I've missed you. I had to get the hell out of Sunnydale, too scary for me down there. It's getting intense. How you been? You look upset. If it is Spike, ignore him. You know the old vamp gets - he's just a bit cranky and skiddish." Dru had done a number to me, that much was obvious. I wanted love but always seemed to lose it to Angel, or Angelus. Music wasn't flowing well for me, kept getting slow or too fast. Instead, I went back to drawing, wondering what was taking Clem so long. The house wasn't new, but if he was taking his time, fine by me.

[I]

Buffy wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks as she heard footsteps approaching the stairs. She'd stopped once more, to listen to their conversation. It was hell trying to keep herself upstairs. Every part of her wanted to rush down and fall into his arms. She wanted to feel his strong, cold arms wrap securely around her as she took in that sweet familiar scent. When she glanced down, she saw Clem and flashed him a shy smile, a bit ashamed of herself. 'Caught in the act. Idiot.' She thought before walking back to the top step to listen to him speak. Scolding herself as he spoke, she leaned against the wall a little, suddenly feeling as though her legs would give out. Clem seemed to know what was going on – of course he did.

Listening harder, she could hear Spike playing the guitar. Something she'd never seen him do. Had he ever mentioned playing the guitar before? Before she realized it, her thoughts got away from her. Suddenly there was a little picture in her head. She was sitting by the fire with a mug full of hot chocolate, and Spike was sitting across from her, playing a sweet song on his guitar. Shaking her head, she cleared out all thoughts of what she wished could be and returned to the moment. More than anything, Buffy wanted to say yes and go down stairs, but she was sure she'd only be intruding, so she thought of a polite way to decline.

[II]

"I'm not tired just yet." She shrugged and glanced over her shoulder, to play it off like she wanted to go back though she really didn't want to be alone. "I don't want to intrude, but I've missed you too." The words came out almost mechanically as she offered a sad smile, "I'm alright, how've you been? Spike didn't do anything," there she went with a little fake laugh, "Just thinking about stupid things." Buffy sighed and looked down at her feet. For some reason she felt the urge to go down and hug Clem. Probably because she knew she couldn't just go hug Spike, he was upset with her. Regardless, she stayed put and tried to focus on the task at hand.

"I'll just go back to the room and find something to do." She gestured behind her, "You two have fun." She smiled at him for real this time, though her eyes were avoiding his. It took a lot for her to turn and begin creeping back to the bedroom, but she understood that Spike needed his time. He wasn't going to just suddenly be okay with her. Things couldn't just magically be better. Those sort of occurrences only happened in fairytales, and this predicament certainly wasn't in any of her childhood books.

Clem advanced a step, calling out to Buffy softly. "Come on girlie. I brought over Rocky Road ice cream. Come down and spend time with us. I'm sure Grouch-o won't mind a bit. What can there be in a room to do all alone?" If his cheeks could have flushed, they would have. With a chuckle, he looked down and shook his head. "Come on Buffy. I'll get you some ice cream and you can have a few drinks with us." Clem pleaded with his eyes. "I haven't seen you in so long and I'm not sure if I'll be around tomorrow - I might go into town."

Finally concerned, I stood from my place by the couch and fire, setting aside my drawing to see what was taking Clem so long. Entering the kitchen, I saw the glasses and bottle of Jack on the counter. "Bloody hell..." I continued through the open door, finding Clem at the foot of the steps and Buffy at the very top. Eyes locked on her as they had when I first saw her after she had been brought back from dead. I was surprised, hurt, and above all else, happy. Clem continued to plead with her, begging her to come out to the living room with us. I cleared my throat, Clem turning to look at me. "Come on down, Slayer. I don't mind."

Buffy stopped when she heard Clem mention Rocky Road and began to turn. "Oh, that's just plain unfair." She said and added a real laugh, "That's my favorite!" A soft smile crossed her lips as she walked back over to the stairs, really debating now whether or not to go down and spend time with them. His comment regarding Spike made her giggle, she'd never heard anyone call Spike by anything but his name – but Grouch-o? With the mention of drinks, she took one step closer then bit her lower lip. "I don't know Clem. I really want to hang out with you, but I'm not so sure…" her words stopped when she saw him appear behind Clem. Once he'd cleared his throat, Buffy glanced down at her feet once more so he could talk to Clem, but instead she heard him speak to her.

"Are you sure?" she asked, quietly with caution in her voice. At this point, Buffy knew she was treading on thin water with Spike… Or at least it seemed like she was. Nothing she'd been doing was going to convince him he really was the only one for her. That she couldn't possibly go on without him. Nobody knew her like he did, but sometimes she wasn't sure he knew her too well at all. One minute he could see right through her lies, but the next he was completely oblivious. Every time she said or did something stupid he believed her, but when she lied about the important things… That's when he looked through her. Her eyes wouldn't dare meet his, so she focused on a spot on the wall just past him.

Clem caught the awkward moment, glancing back and forth between us. "Slayer.. I really don't mind. I'll grab an extra glass and be in the living room." I nodded softly, turning my back to her to return to the kitchen. Was I being harsh? Bloody well not! She had Angel on her mind while away with me... Never could be bloody good enough. I gathered another glass, bringing it to the living room. I placed the glasses and bottle on the table, going to tend to my guitar. It was a thing I had picked up in my long years, though something I only did in this home or when alone.. outside of Sunnydale. I placed my beloved guitar in its case, not wanting the wood to get hurt in any way possible, before taking a shot of the Jack.

Clem smiled and motioned to the kitchen. "Told ya he just gets a lil' grouchy! Come on. Let's get some of that ice cream and you can tune me in to what is going on in Sunnydale. I could make dinner later tonight. I'm one hell of a cook, believe it or not!" Clem led her to the kitchen, grabbing the ice cream and starting to thaw it out a bit. "Mind grabbing two bowls and spoons please? I doubt Spike will want anything. If anything else, he may want blood with a bit of spice in it. I'll ask him after we settle with our ice cream." He attempted to dig in the frozen cream to find it still hard. "When was the last time he ate? Could add on to his grouch factor."

Buffy sighed and walked down the steps as soon as Spike was out of sight. "You know, just when I think he can understand me better than anyone else, he goes and proves he doesn't know me at all." She breathed out the words as she reached Clem and shook her head. "When isn't he grouchy? He's just one big old ball of grump." Her little laugh surprised her after she'd finished speaking. Clem always seemed to have a calming effect on her… Well, once she'd gotten to know him. At first he just freaked her out. Gambling with kittens? Not her idea of a good time, but who was she to judge his? Slowly following him she smiled, "Sunnydale is just getting worse, you're lucky you got out." This brighter tone seemed to be real, so she let it go without questioning herself. It was good to be talking to someone she didn't fight with after making love… 'Oh God. I did not just think that.' Silently, she scolded herself before tuning back into what Clem was saying.

"I'm up for that. If I drink I'll need food." She giggled and nodded before searching for bowls and spoons. After a moment, she found them and walked back to Clem. "He ate this morning, then a tiny bit at lunch… But he ended up dumping that down the sink. We got into a little bit of a fight, surprise surprise." She shrugged and nodded, "But that probably is why he's all grumpy. He's been treating me like something special since we got here, making sure I've got everything I could possibly want or need, and completely ignoring his own needs." Buffy glanced towards the room Spike had walked into before looking back at Clem, "I could heat some up and take it out to him now. He needs to eat, before one of us kills the other." She mumbled the last bit, not wanting to drag Clem into the mess.

Clem looked at her long and hard. It was easy for him to see just how much she was hurtin while I was being stubborn and couldn't. He nodded his head slowly, gathering words in his head. "Mayve he doesn't want to eat, Buff. When he's hungry, he'll surely eat." He began to scoop ice cream into her bowl. "Don't get me wrong with this, because I do like you and what do for Spike but... Can you blame him for being upset? Starting with Cecily and Anne - Anne is his mother - the girls he loves most always end up hurting him. He is a bit skittish. I may be talkin' outta my ass but, think about it." He shrugged, now scooping some into his own bowl. "Just my opinion..." I sat near the fire, staring into the flames. Maybe this was what I needed to open my eyes and see that all of this was a joke. This house, styled exactly as the one I lived in during my mortal years from the inside, was personal. It was irony that the woman I loved would hurt me here, seeing as my mum and Dru had no problems doing so as well. Bloody Angel... Always getting in the way. Clem smiled to Buffy and picked up the bowls, leading them to the living room. "Oooh. See you popped open Mr. Jack. Pour me a shot, grouch?" Clem grinned at me, making me know he was kidding. Still, I wanted to crawl away and just fade into nothing. Instead, I poured him, Buffy, and myself a drink. The pictures I drew were hanging out, visible to the eye before I caught that glitch and covered them up.

Buffy nodded at Clem's words; sure he was right as soon as they left his mouth. "Well don't I feel stupid?" she grumbled through an inaudible whisper. Of course he was skittish; he'd been hurt before just like she had, only worse. The women he'd trusted most, let into his life, gave everything to, they hurt him beyond belief. Why was he still open to finding love when she could barely think of it? All she did was hurt him, and all he did was love her. "I'm such a fool." She whispered when Clem left the room, taking a moment to gather herself before following him in. While she waited for all the pieces of her brain to meet back up, she took deep even breaths. As soon as that was over, she made her way through the door, just in time to hear Clem calling Spike a grouch. Her eyes stayed off of Spike, and instead wandered over to some papers that had drawings of… Her? Spike drew well, that she'd already known. But she was unaware that he still drew her, especially after all she'd done to him. Quickly, she averted her eyes and watched him fill up the three glasses, and sat cross legged as far away from him as she could without making it obvious that she felt like an intruder. He obviously wanted his time alone, 'You are so stupid Buffy. Just drink slowly, eat the ice cream, and then excuse yourself for bed.' She thought before taking the bowl of ice cream Clem was offering her. "Thanks," she breathed, unable to look at either of them anymore. Clem was being courteous when he'd invited her down, they didn't really want her down here.

I looked to my bare feet, a rare sight. Clem could feel the tension, my heart breaking with every beat of the Slayer's heart. I took down the shot quickly, following it quickly with another, only stopping to refill Clem's. He took the bottle, offering Buffy more. I could only stare into the fire. "Yeah... so... Buffy... How have you been? I heard a lot of girls are in your house now," Clem's eyes came across me. "I believe Spike said they were potential Slayers. Awesome! The more the... yeah... what if they don't like me like you did - do?" The pressure in the room was becoming rather intense. I took another shot, tempted to pour another before Clem took the bottle and placed it between himself and the Slayer. "It really is good to see you again, girlie. Was worried for a while."

I stood, threw another log on the fire, and sat back in my seat. I wore a simple pair of pajamas, expecting to stay in them for the rest of the day and night. By time I actually tuned in to the conversation, I cleared my throat and stood up slowly. "I'm sorry. Excuse me. I need to," pause. "Um, go grab something." I took my glass with me, Clem knowing I wanted to fill it to the bloody rim. In the kitchen, I sat back against the fridge, running hands over my face. _What are you bloody doin', mate? Think the bird in there actually cares? Think your mum cared? Dru? Cecily?_ My jaw clenched, names going through my mind. _Wake up. Smell the blood. You're not Angelus._ I leaned my head back, slipping to sit on the ground for a short moment. I **had** to clear my mind. After taking a few moments to calm myself, I peered outside. Was it really already getting dark? Bloody hell. This time tomorrow I'd be taking her home. _Should've been sooner._ Hands rubbed my face again, now going back to the living room. Eyes set on her, those golden locks of hair. Seeing her speak with Clem was a bloody sight to see. So lovely. _Just settin' yourself up, mate._

Instead of curling up in the fetal position and bawling like a baby, Buffy sat and ate her ice cream like a good little slayer between little sips of the Jack Daniels that was poured for her. However, she did notice the refills that seemed to be never ending with Spike. He was drinking, heavily. 'I really screwed up. Really bad.' She thought before staring down at the ice cream she'd nearly finished. 'Good, just a few more bites and I can be on my way. They can stay down here and talk and drink and I can go up to the bedroom, hide away and never hurt Spike again… I hope. Knowing me and my luck he'll be ready to kill me come time to go home tomorrow. I wish he'd just put his arms around me, or kiss me once more. Doesn't he see how terrible I feel? Of course not. I don't deserve him understanding. I don't deserve him.' Her thoughts were beginning to make tears pool in her eyes so she was glad that Clem was talking to her.

"Yeah, they've sort of taken over the place." She nodded and supplied a smile before taking another bite. She'd noticed Clem glance at Spike and Buffy wondered what they were talking about before she'd come down. "They'll have to like you, because they can leave if they don't." she laughed very lightly before continuing, "You came around first, and I like you better anyways. All they do is ask questions about slaying and whine." She shrugged then took another bite and nodded, "It's good to see you too, Clem. You know you don't have to worry about me. Though, I was worried about you. It's weird not seeing you as often." She sighed when she saw Spike get up. His voice cut a little whole into her as she began staring at the ice cream once more, ready to die. "So Clem, what do you do all day? If your not there in Sunnydale with us?" she asked, a little curious, but more so to pass the time while she ate rather than talked. This was getting to be too much for her to handle.

I sat on the floor, having just ditched my glass - a choice I regretted. Clem smiled, looking at my empty hand. "Good to have ya back, Spikey ol' man." His nod was enough between us, he turned back to Buffy with a wide grin. "You know, I've had to start my own kitty poker out here. After Spike got me started, I've been hooked. You like chocolate, I like kittens. Guess everyone's got their preferences." His light chuckle seemed to calm the room, easing the tension back to its nest. He had this way about him, always able to get his nails under my skin in the best ways possible. Clem's eyes glanced outside, my own following before looking back at Buffy. She was a true beauty, she was. The Slayer was strong, yet so bloody weak inside. I could tell by the redness of her eyes that she had nearly cried and had been doing so earlier. I felt terrible, that much I could not hide. _Always hurting the girl._ **No.**

Clem sighed, looking at me from his shoulder. "I think I left Maggie at home with little, to no, food. I also kinda just ditched her there. I should get back before she begins to rip things apart." Clem stood, smiling at Buffy. "You got potentials, I got Satan's puppy. Oh goodness! Only kidding... sorta. She tears up everything. I'll try to drop by tomorrow." With a brief hug, he was gone and out of sight, leaving us to the tension. I grasped his cup and bowl, taking it to the kitchen with a small 'excuse me'. When I returned, I sat in my spot across from her, hands searching for the pad I had been drawing on.

"That was nice, having Clem over for a while." Small tall. Bloody hate small talk and yet I was trying it out with her. I sighed, looking down to the paper, once more drawing the Slayer sitting only feet from me.

Her eyes followed Spike as he sat back down, without his cup. He must have left it in the kitchen. That was odd. Quietly, she finished her ice cream and set the bowl down in front of her before picking up the half full glass. 'I need to finish this and get out of here, this is pointless. He doesn't want me around anymore. I shouldn't have ever opened my mouth. Things were so much easier before I learned to speak…' she thought before taking a little sip of the warm liquid. "I guess I can understand that. Though I can't ever look at chocolate the same way…" she giggled very quietly, almost silently, before returning her attention to her glass. "Everyone does have their preferences." She nodded before taking another sip.

"Satan's puppy?" Buffy laughed offhandedly before a smile covered her face and she focused once more on Clem's words. "Tomorrow then. I can't wait." She smiled and hugged him back, "Be careful getting home." She said just before he disappeared, knowing he wouldn't need to be. He was stronger than he looked, that was something Buffy was sure of. Instead of looking up at Spike when he stood, Buffy glared down at her drink. 'Excusing myself now would be rude. He'll think I don't want to be down here with him. I just don't want to be here when I know he doesn't want me around him. This is stupid, so stupid.' She thought and barely looked up when he came back before taking another sip of her drink.

"Yeah, it was." She nodded, "I've really missed him. He's a good friend once you get past the whole demon thing… And the Kitten poker…" she whispered the last part more to herself than to Spike. It would never cease to repulse her that some people enjoyed gambling with innocent furry animals.

**[I./III.]** I could not down right say I was sorry. I wasn't sure what I'd be saying sorry for! All I wanted was to forget and move on. I wanted her in my arms, to act as if this never happened. How bloody stupid of me to not do that in the first place. I cleared my throat, focused on my drawing of her. Just as eyes fell on it, the image fell apart. It didn't seem right. I flipped the page, promising myself to return to that picture. Eyes fell upon a picture I had been drawing of her laying in my bed, head propped up by her arm, with her breasts exposed. So far, it was obvious that it was her, but where I was going with it was unknown. I could still see it in my mind though, a good sign. My pencil went to work, sketching both the soft and harsh lines of her body. I looked up, from time to time, to capture her face for the drawing.

"You know, I knew Clem when he was human. Saw him around a few times at a pub we had been going to," we referring to Dru and myself. "I happened to go there alone once and found him getting jumped in the back by demons. They didn't kill him - I didn't let them. Instead, he became one of them. That started our friendship." I swallowed the saliva in my mouth, staring down to the drawing. Her face was perfect, her hair loose over her shoulders and what would be, at some point, her breasts. I couldn't finish the drawing, I wanted it perfect. I put it aside, on the couch above my head. Instead of keeping busy, I sat back staring at the fireplace.

**[II./III.]** _I felt my back against the fireplace, unable to look at the woman shooting harsh words at me. "Scamper off and cry to your new little trollop. You think you'll be able to love her? You think you'll be able to touch her without feeling me?" Her hand grasped her cane, moving closer to me. "All you ever wanted was to be back inside. And you finally got your wish, didn't you? Sank your teeth into me, an eternal kiss-"_

"No. I only wanted to make you well." She moved closer yet, running her hands over my face. I turn away, unable to face her, with tears in my eyes.

"You wanted your hands on me. Perhaps you'd like to finish what you started, hum?" I refuse to meet her eyes, to feel her touching me. I softly plead, asking her to stop. "Come on Willy, have a go before we part. One to remember me by."

"I loved you. I did. Not like this-"

"Just like this. This is what you wanted all along."

"Stop it-"

"Come on. Do it. Who's my little dark prince?"

**[III./III.]** I had staked her then, my own mother. Jaws clenched, no longer able to look at the fireplace or the Slayer. Instead, eyes fell to my lap with tears in them. _There, there precious. It will only hurt for a moment._ I sniffled softly, learning a new level to hate myself on. Always hurting the ones I love - that's why I would never, and could never, turn Buffy. My mum had been enough, I was so sure that Buffy would turn the same way. Nostrils flared, holding back tears. "I'm sorry..." So silent, but yet it could be heard I was sure. Whether it was to Buffy, or my dead mum, was unknown to me.

[I]

Buffy listened as he spoke, still not daring to look up. It pained her to know the man she loved was merely a few feet away and yet she couldn't bring her eyes up to meet his. To fall upon him. It killed her to know she couldn't talk to him and tell him why she hurt so much. What was going on in her head. He just looked so tortured when she looked at him; it hurt her to know she could make him feel anything but happiness. She hated being the one to bring him down. "That was noble of you." She whispered, "I'm sure Clem greatly appreciated it." She nodded, knowing he was really kind hearted. There wasn't much bad in him, and what was bad was only a seed Drusilla had planted – she was sure. Spike didn't kill because it made him happy. He wasn't a bad person… Vampire. Slowly she finished her drink as her mind wandered off.

'He probably thinks I don't really love him, that I hate him. He's supposed to be the one who knows me best. He's always known me better than I know myself. I just don't understand how he can sit there and think my feelings for him aren't real. Yes, he's been hurt, but so have I! Angel broke my heart in a horrible way. He left me when I needed him. When I was in love with him. When I thought he was my future. Mom DIED! I died. I almost lost my sister. And now I'm sitting here pitying myself. I tried to apologize. I tried to tell him I love him. Doesn't he believe me? He should believe me. I've lied to him before but I'm not lying now. Can't he see when he looks into my eyes? I thought I was an open book to him.' She tried to push her thoughts aside when she noticed he'd picked the sketchbook back up. He seemed to be studying his drawing as the pencil met the paper. It was poetic to her, sitting there in silence watching him draw in front of the fire. For the first time in her life, Buffy wished she was a drinker. 'Somehow I need to make him know I love him, and the things I say I don't mean all the time. He's the only one for me. There will never be another to hold my heart the way he does. To know me the way he does.'

[II]

When she finally got up the courage to speak, he beat her to the punch with an apology. 'Is he apologizing to me? Why is he apologizing to me?' her head went into crisis mode as she thought of reasons he could be apologizing to her, 'Is he saying sorry because he doesn't want to be with me anymore? Or is he apologizing because he doesn't want to fight anymore? Is he even apologizing to me? This is ridiculous Buffy. Say something before he thinks you hate him.' Slowly, she took in a deep breath and lifted her eyes to stare just past him, still unable look at him. "I used to think that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I'd accepted it even. Giles was always telling me that being a slayer was too much responsibility to worry about anyone else. Being in love – though very close – could never be the first priority in my life." Buffy was whispering all of this, not sure if she was talking aloud to herself or quietly to him. Either way, she knew he was listening, so she needed to get her point across before she lost her nerve.

"When you tried to tell me you had feelings for me, just after Riley left… I thought the idea of it was ridiculous. Your nothing like the men I've been with before. Everything about you screams danger… and yet I knew somehow, deep inside, that I wasn't nearly as repulsed with the idea as my head wanted me to be. In my heart, I knew. I knew that someone like you would be the only person I could be with. Because you understand me; you understand my life. Even though at first I hated to admit it, I loved you from the moment I was brought back. Being in heaven… It was unlike anything I'd ever known before. So beautiful, serene. Then to be brought back to Sunnydale, where every day I risk my life for this world… You were the closest thing I had to heaven anymore, and still are. Because I can be real with you," tears were pooling in her eyes as she tried to get her words out, "I love you Spike. In this gut wrenching, heart pounding, breath taking way. I don't care if you love me back or not. I'm not ever going to stop loving you. You make me feel alive again, and it's hard to feel alive when your destiny wants you dead."

[III]

Buffy finished with a deep breath before standing with her bowl and glass, ready to exit and let him be. "I'll leave you alone now," she said, quieter than the words she was spilling out before, and turned to the kitchen. After she was out of sight, the tears spilled over and she brushed them away to clean the bowl, spoon, and glass she'd used. Once she'd finished that she dried them and put them away then made her way back to the staircase, hoping he'd take her words to heart. The tears were still pouring by the time she reached the bottom step, and she looked behind her for a second before starting up, wishing he'd somehow know she just needed him to hold her.

Her words made my heart want to break. She made it seem as if I didn't love her - as if I almost couldn't. My nostrils flared as I watched her stand from her position on the floor to take her bowl away. All I had ever wanted was her love back and now she was offering it freely, washing me in it! Yet, what was I doing? Denying it. To prevent future hurt, I was trying to ignore my feelings for the girl and allow her to live her life. What a bloody git I was being.

_No, gotta do this for her. Can't hurt the girl._ I nodded my head, having my mind set that after this last night, things would fall into their rightful places. I could not think, nor entertain the idea, that the Slayer and I could be together after we returned to Sunnydale. She had too big of a job to do - too big for a tiny distraction such as myself. Eyes shifted, now looking to the drawing I had been working on. Those innocent eyes staring back at me made me sigh. I loved her. After so many years of loving her, she was finally allowing herself to feel it back. "Bloody hell, Spike... what are you doing?"

I stood from my spot on the floor, rushing through the kitchen to find it empty. For a second, I worried that she had left - gone into the woods on her own. Her scent, however, struck my nose at just the right time for I was about to dash outside in search of her. The sweet aroma filled my senses, making me hurry to the steps where I found her heading for the second story. "Buffy..." I had no words to explain just what it was that I was feeling. I felt excitement and yet that my heart was breaking from not touching her. I placed my hand to the railing, swallowing my pride as I took that first step. "...I'm... oh, Buffy." I took the steps two at a time, catching her at the top step. My arms gathered her close to my chest, lips kissing her hair, her cheek, anything they could touch. "I'm a bloody fool..."

Tears were pouring from her cheeks as she walked up the stairs. All she thought was real was crumbling around her and the stairs seemed to be collapsing beneath her feet as she took them slowly, one at a time trying not to trip. Her vision was blurred as a soft sob escaped her, one she was sure would be followed up by more. Every inch of her body burned both for him and because of the tears she couldn't seem to control. For years he'd loved her. Years he'd spent following her, watching her back, caring for her, wanting nothing more than her love in return and here she was ready to give it to him. She'd taken too long, that she was now sure of. Spike deserved a better woman than her, and she would just have to learn to accept that she'd never make him happy again.

When she heard his voice, just as she was about to take the last two steps Buffy brushed it off. It seemed to be more a figment of her imagination than anything. Here she was, hoping he'd come sweep her up into his arms, and all the sudden she heard his voice? 'Life is no fairytale Buffy, get a grip. He's not going to just rush to you and gather you up in his arms and pick up all the pieces you yourself shattered. You've hurt him too much.' She thought and took the last step. Just as she was about to continue on towards the bedroom, cold strong arms wrapped around her and she was suddenly against him, limp in his arms. Buffy refused to let herself touch him, she didn't deserve that, so she just stood there sobbing as he kissed her wherever he could.

"Your not a fool Spike, I am. I missed my chance with you. I waited too long, and now you don't want me anymore. I know you wanted this weekend to be relaxing for me – I don't deserve it – but you've been trying so hard. I've been taking advantage of you, and now I'll leave you alone. I'll understand if you never want to look at me again." Her words came out as more of a mess than anything. Every few words were interrupted with a sob as the tears continued streaming out. It was an endless flood; she just wanted it all to stop. "I promise I'll never expect anything from you again. I treated you like you were nothing. I used you, and now that I'm letting myself admit I wanted you all along, I've missed out. You've moved on." She whispered the last three words more to herself than to him. She had to get it through to herself that he was over her.

"When we go back tomorrow, I'll go back to being the slayer, and you can stay or go if you want. I won't make you stay anymore. It doesn't matter if I'm ready for you to be gone or not, you're ready, so I have to let you go." The tears seemed to be coming out even more now, and the sobs were choking her a bit more. It was getting harder to breath, and she couldn't see. Somewhere deep inside she thanked herself for crying, it was better that she couldn't look at him. He was probably looking at her with disgust. If she were him she'd look at her with disgust. Gently, she pushed out of his arms and turned to the bedroom to disappear and let him be.

Every last bit of my heart shattered. I couldn't gather words to say to her. The more she spoke, the angrier I was becoming with myself. In the process of punishing myself, I had been doing it to her too. I gripped her forearms, shaking her slightly after I was done listening - not wanting her to speak anymore about things that sounded foolish. "Open your eyes, Buffy. I'm here. I always have been and always will be." My next words were stern, filled with seriousness and pure passion. "I love you. If you don't want to be here, alone with me, then we can leave tonight and call it done. But if we do that, I will **still** love you. I will **still** be there for you whenever you want or need me. Do you understand that?" I was hurt beyond all belief that she would even think I wanted to get rid of her.

I wanted to gather her in my arms, make love to her again to show her just how much I really did love her. "Let me know what you want, Slayer, because I can't keep guessing. Can't keep setting myself up for you to close me out." I released her, jaws clenched as I stood there staring at her. "I know I can't be _Him_... and I know I'll never be good enough to replace him, but I can always try. I just-... I need to know."

It took all of her will power not to step forward and smack him when he'd finished his little declaration. How dare he accuse her of wanting him to be like Angel? The idea of it repulsed her. Spike was who she wanted, he was everything she wanted, and here he was thinking she wanted broody Angel back. It was almost as if he'd blocked out every word she'd said. Without realizing it she took a step forward and her eyes began to clear as the tears let up. Her pain was replaced with blind rage as she thought over all he was saying to her. Didn't he understand her? He was the one who knew her better than anyone. "How _dare_ you? Are you an **idiot**?" she growled at him rather than spoke. It wasn't her voice exactly, it was pure anger.

"I poured my heart out downstairs. I professed my love for you. I told you how I feel… How you make me feel… And still, you sit here telling me you can't be like _Angel_? I don't want Angel, Spike! If I wanted to be with Angel I'd be with him! I'm here with you. I'm fighting with you. You make me so angry!" she shouted now, walking a little closer so they were barely an inch apart. "You are the only person who has ever been able to see through me, and yet when I want you to see your as blind as a damn bat! I can't understand why you don't just see! I love you Spike! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!" her yells became sobs again as she punched as his chest, trying to pound the words into him so he'd understand. "I don't want anyone but you! Why can't you just hold me and tell me you know I love you? Why can't you just know? You know everything about me, but why won't you accept this? I thought you wanted this!" her voice cracked a little as she fell to her knees, exhausted.

I let her express her hurt, pounding on my chest as I tried to control her angry hands. I accepted every blow and felt myself back up towards the railing, in a corner as my mother once had me. I was becoming uncomfortable in this position, turning my face from her to hide the hurt that she was causing. It seemed like years until she crumbled to her knees, leaving me to stare down at her for a few seconds. After gathering my thoughts, placing them in an order that seemed to work out just fine. I got to my knees, gathering her against my chest. "Buffy... come on, let's get you to bed." So much for my bloody plan. I always managed to get a foot in my mouth. My plans included sweet talking her, picking her tiny body up and carrying her to bed, then cuddling there to be sure she was okay. How bloody wrong that went. I scooped her up, skipping the sweet talk, and carrying her to her room. After placing her on her bed, I went to the drawers, picking out pajamas for her to dress in. I placed the clothes at the foot of the bed, sitting only to rub her back softly.

I wasn't sure what to say, or do. Usually, I could read her better than anyone else could - but that seemed to stay behind in Sunnydale. This house was messing with me. All I could hear was the humming of my mum, her taunts before I killed her, and feel the pain I had back then. Here, of all places, my guard was down and all I had were memories to haunt me. I bent forward, kissing her shoulder softly, before sitting up once more. "I'm sorry..."

Buffy felt like a child when he spoke to her finally. She'd acted on impulse much like a child would. Everything that had come out of her mouth… She was sure she'd hurt him again. Her plans just didn't seem to be working so well today. Nodded in favor of speaking, she let him pick her up without a fight and carry her to the room, though she wasn't done getting out how she felt. There was no way she was going to let things go the way they were. Everything she said and did was twisted, when in her mind it looked pristine. When she felt the bed beneath her, Buffy wiped her face. Without looking, she knew she was a mess. He couldn't possibly feel anything but disgust when he looked at her, she was acting like a five year old. Throwing a fit because she didn't get her way… Oddly it reminded her of her childhood.

Without a word, she pulled the pajamas he'd pulled out to her chest and hugged them, needing some sort of comfort if he wouldn't crawl in bed with her and hold her. The two words he spoke next almost made her laugh. "Your sorry? I was just beating you and your sorry?" she whispered, letting a small laugh escape followed by a gasp for air. The crying had taken a lot out of her. She sat up onto her knees and set the pajamas aside before taking his face in her hands, "Can we just have a nice night for the rest of the night? Can you wrap your arms around me and let me tell you how wonderful you are? Is that possible?" she said, knowing she sounded rude but not caring. At this point, Buffy was willing to do anything just to go back into their world. The world where it was just them and nobody else. Everything was getting too painful, and she needed to just feel him hold her.

I felt her soft hands grasp my face, my eyes being forced to meet hers. The hurt was so obvious that it was painful to stare at for too long. Pushing back her hair, I nodded with a soft smile. "Yeah... we can, but first, I want you to change. We made a mess in these jeans earlier," remembering our time against the tree; I smiled softly and smoothed her hair from her face. "Get changed so you are comfortable and then I will crawl in with you." I kissed her forehead, lingering there for a moment before standing from the bed. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go get you something. I want you changed by time I come back, you understand?" I placed the pajamas in her lap and left the room, rushing down the steps to the kitchen. I set the kettle on the stove, full of water, and went into the living room to check on the fire. As I placed another log on the fire, my eyes caught the pad of paper I had been using for the last few years to draw on. The image of half naked Buffy still sat on top.

I licked my lips, curious if she would let me draw her. Hands snatched it up, feet hurrying back to the kitchen to pour the bubbling water in the cup to make her tea. I passed the melting ice cream on the counter as I hurried my way back up the steps, with the tea and drawings in my hands. When I got to her door, I knocked first, and then entered. The tea was placed on the nightstand beside her, but I remained standing with the drawing behind my back. "Actually... I want to do something first."

Buffy stood from the bed when he was out of sight and began peeling of the clothes she'd worn all day. Tossing them to the foot of the bed, she began to pull on the pajamas he'd pulled out for her and let her mind wander to the events of the day. If she excluded their little… big fight, she could say they had shared one of the best days in their time together. The best day actually. They'd made love, multiple times, and he'd whispered her name in that husky, loving voice… The thought of it sent chills up her spine, but she was too exhausted from crying to even think of initiating anything tonight. All she wanted from him was to cuddle and talk. If they could talk all night, she'd feel much more secure with their relationship. Her biggest fear was that he'd just walk out. Without making a sound, she tip-toed to the head of the bed and sat by the nightstand, trying to figure out a way to tell him exactly how she felt. There were no words to describe it, and luckily he stopped her from thinking when he walked in and set tea on the nightstand.

"Thank you." She whispered, but didn't touch it. He seemed much happier than he had when he left, not that he looked sad when he left. One of her eyebrows arched while the other dipped and she stared at him for a second before realizing he was holding something behind his back. When he spoke, she relaxed a little, rolling her shoulders. "Well, what do you want to do?" she asked in a soft voice, hoping it wouldn't be anything using too much energy. Until now, she'd never realized just how draining it was to be awake and moving… and fighting for that matter. Up until their fight she was all ready to jump his bones every chance she got.

"I want to draw you. I've drawn many things in the past, but rarely with someone actually there in front of me." My teeth captured my bottom lip. "But, I don't just want to draw you, I want to be able to pose you how I want. I promise that it won't be hard, pet. You can just lay there..." I pulled up the chair to the side of the bed that would be best to see her from. The pad of paper I had been drawing on was placed on the chair while I sat on the bed beside her. "I just... I want to be able to have something to always remind me of you."

In the past, I had drawn her many times, by memory. It wasn't that hard, since I spent hours staring at her. However, in this specific pad of paper, I only had a few drawings of her - one including a scene from my dream many years ago. Most of the drawings were old. Some of my mother while others were of simple things like the first snow of the year, or of Clem playing kitten poker. The older ones that took up the first thick chunk of the book included Drusilla, my mum yet again, and Darla. I only had a few drawings of Angelus; he was never fond of being drawn. Drusilla enjoyed it, often posing for me when asked. I never finished any of them though; she always got bored and needed to move around to do something else. Darla had been one of the easiest to draw. She was capable of sitting in one area for a few hours while I sketched her. Of all the drawings, they did not matter to me as much as this one of Buffy would.

"On one condition." She said, sitting up straighter. "If I pose for you, however you want me to, you have to get the idea out of your head that I don't want you around for the rest of my life. You have to accept that you're a part of me." She said, hoping he'd agree. Regardless, she was going to pose for him. Not because she wanted to so much as, he wanted her to. If it was important to him, it was important to her. Buffy took a deep breath and bit her lip as she looked at him hopefully. She was unsure of how he'd want her posed, though she had a few ideas. Sometimes Spike was a mystery to her, but there was no denying he could be predictable at times.

Thinking over what she'd said, Buffy felt a little bad. She was asking more of him, yet again. As if he hadn't already given her enough. Instead of waiting for his answer she decided to take her request back, "How do you want me?" she asked, standing so he could explain before she did something wrong. Her hand slowly moved to the hem of her shirt, pretty sure he'd want it removed along with the other clothes on her body. 'I can't believe I'm going to do this.' She thought, realizing what she was about to do. 'I didn't even hesitate. I just said yes, sort of…' Shaking her head, she almost laughed. Only Spike could ever get her to agree to something she wouldn't normally do such as this. Nobody had ever asked her to pose for them before, let alone in such an intimate way. The thought of laying there, still, for a long period of time exposed to him sent a little shiver up her spine.

I looked over her body, licking my lips from the thought of her posing for me. "I'm yours, pet, always will be." I stroked her cheek for a second before she stood up, my eyes going to her hand that was at the hem of her shirt. My eyes widened, mouth slightly opened as she asked how I wanted her. A smirk came to my lips, dirty thoughts rushing through my mind. I pushed them aside however, standing to my own feet with a slight gulp. "Let me..." My hand pushed her own away, both hands moving down her arms, sides, and finally to her hips. I closed my eyes, gaining self-control, before re-opening them. Fingers grasped the bottom of her shirt, slowly bringing it up to expose her flesh. When her breasts were visible, I hissed and my nostrils flared. "I know it's kinda cold in here, pet, so if you get chilly, let me know and we can stop." I slipped the t-shirt off her and placed it on the foot of the bed where I would not be drawing. I looked down to her pajama bottoms, tugging her closer to my body as if to ask permission.

"I'm afraid these will have to go, too." I looped my thumbs in the waistband of the bottoms and began to fish them down, biting my lower lip when her lacy thong came to view. When I got to my knees, helping her off with her pajamas, I placed my hands to her hips and tugged her forward a step. My lips pressed against her right hip bone, then her left, before they pressed against her naval and moved even further up. I kissed up her chest, between her breasts, and up her right clavicle to her neck. On my feet once more, I began to step forward, pushing her back, towards the bed. When her knees came in contact with the mattress, I pushed on her hips to make her lay down. "Lay facing me." I propped her head up with her left arm, fixing her hair to hang loose and not cover her perky breasts. I then moved her thong a bit lower, adjusting the blanket to show her hipbones and the area just above her womanhood, though still hiding her thong. Her other arm was placed on her side, hanging over her stomach above her naval. It was obvious that placing her just right had been exciting for, in the pajama pants I was wearing; it was easy to see that I was becoming hard.

Smiling at his words, Buffy felt love, comfort, and trust wash over her. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he meant what he said. When he stepped to her and pushed her hands away she looked down at his and took a deep breath, trying not to let herself be effected by it too much. When he mentioned that it was cold, she nodded. It was already obvious to her she wouldn't be feeling cold at all as long as he was around. Every part of her was on fire, specifically the growing wetness between her legs. Swallowing hard, she tried to keep her eyes open and resist the urge to moan as he took off her pajama bottoms and she felt his cool lips on her skin. An almost inaudible moan escaped her, despite her efforts and she tilted her head back just a little trying not to focus on the hunger she suddenly felt for him. Next thing she knew, he was on his feet again and pushing her back to the bed. Buffy followed his instructions and laid where he told her to and how he told her to, feeling a little self conscious around him for the first time.

'He's going to draw me. This is going to be a drawing of me, in bed, naked, that he'll have forever.' She thought, suppressing the urge to pull all of her clothes back on and hide under the blanket for a few years. Her eyes wandered around the room as she tried not to think about what she was doing, and then they landed on his pajama pants. 'Well, at least I'm not the only one.' She smirked at her thought and quickly looked away hoping he hadn't caught her looking. Suddenly, Buffy didn't feel so tired anymore. All she wanted to do was get the drawing over with so she could pull him down onto the bed with her and let him claim her once more. For a second, her eyes fell shut with visions of the things they'd been doing earlier during the day, then to the night before.

After about an hour of drawing, the pencil seized to move. I grinned, looking down to the art and back to her. A perfect match. "Okay, you can move now." I had been so busy concentrating on the image at hand that my excitement had settled down, but when reality hit, I felt it rise once more. She was there, in bed, in front of me... naked. So willing. Just waiting. I stood from the chair, walking to the bed, and sat by her with the image out of her view. "I... if you do not like it... here." I offered her the pad, a hand raising to rub her side. It then dipped lower, gripping her hip and sliding just beneath the blanket before coming back up. I hissed when I felt the warmth from beneath the covers, how her body heat as well as arousal had made it so hot. My hand slid lower, along her thigh, daring to dip between her creamy legs. However, I went no further. I removed my hand altogether, shifting the blanket back in its spot, and studied her face for any sort of reaction to my drawing.

I had always been nervous about my skills, after being able to see the talents that both Drusilla and her sire held. Darla was one for the real thing, using people and paints instead of simple paper and pencils. She rarely drew, preferring to read of be drawn instead. Drusilla drew what came to mind, never a direct object unless it be a doll or innocent child, rarely her sire or myself. Her drawings usually came out demented - a twisted, morphed image of whatever it was that she had been staring at. Though beautiful, her drawings had a demonic element to them. They provided me a small window into what her head saw - a glimpse into her mental Hell. Angelus drew everything and anything he could, often using it to torment his victims before killing them. I never took on to that art, only drawing people and scenes for my own pleasures.

Before Buffy realized it, it had been an hour and Spike's hand stopped moving. When he said she could move she fell so she was laying flat on her back. Looking up at the ceiling she smiled when she felt the bed move and knew he'd sat down beside her. For a second, she debated pulling the blanket up to cover her still exposed chest, but decided not to. Spike had seen her naked many times, what made this so different? She took the drawing when he offered it and studied what was on the paper in her hands. It wasn't her body that amazed her, but the way he'd made her look so beautiful. Staring at the drawing, she took it in all at once, then again bit by bit. Her eyes wouldn't shift to focus on him, so she just stared as his hand ran down her side, then lower, and lower still, then back up. Buffy was well aware he could sense her attraction, her hunger. Her face was in aw at his work. The beautiful image he'd made of her.

"This is how you see me?" she moved one hand to brush her fingers over the paper just above her body, careful not to push at all and smudge his drawing. "It's amazing Spike." She breathed out the words before holding the drawing out for him. Her heart beat was testy as she moved to sit up and look at him straight on. He was so beautiful before her, looking as though he was deep in thought. Her hand moved over to take his and she kissed the palm of it before resting it once more on the bed, but didn't let go. "You're an amazing artist. Did you learn on your own?" she asked, curious as to how his skills had come to be. Buffy had only seen one man draw well before Spike, and his work didn't even compare in her eyes. Spike had created this beautiful picture from something so simple. It seemed as though it was effortless with him.

All I could do was stare into those eyes of her's, taking in the joy they were offering from staring at the image placed before her. With a grin, shy and yet proud, I dipped my head, allowing my hand to roam the skin behind my neck. "I... I could never put such beauty to paper, pet. Could never recreate perfection," my hand went to her shoulder, rubbing softly before pressing a timid kiss there. "I learned when I was young - mum enjoyed my arts. I liked poetry and drawing, though others around me did not see my works fit to be seen or heard. Can't bloody blame then, awful trash it all was." I kissed her shoulder again, my eyes soft as I looked up to her.

"When I joined the _family_, Angelus helped me a lil' bit. Dru always liked to be drawn so I guess most mums are right - practice makes perfect... or some soddin' mess like that." I sat up, running my hand over her body once more. "Thank you, Buffy, for letting me... for trusting me." I kissed her stomach, blowing cold air upon her hot flesh.

Buffy leaned into him a little and smiled softly. Knowing that just a few hours ago they were fighting made her almost laugh; they'd gone from one extreme to the next. All she wanted was to touch him, and feel him touching her. Every inch of her. His cool lips on her shoulder sent a chill up her spine and she shivered despite herself before kissing his chest and tracing a line up his arm with her fingertips. What he was saying about Angelus and Drusilla made sense to her, about them being a family. She knew that Darla had sired Angelus, Angelus sired Drusilla, and Drusilla sired him. They were a family, a chain. In her heart though, she knew that Spike was always better than the others, and always would be. No vampire would ever be as close to human as Spike was. He had true feelings before his soul, that was something all other vampires she'd come across were incapable of.

When his lips met her stomach she shivered again, loving the feel of his cold breath on her skin. "It's not a matter of trusting you, it's of trusting myself to be real with you." She whispered before her eyes fell shut and she let her mind wander. Spike would always be the one person to truly know her, above all else that was clear to her. He didn't have to ask, he just knew. It was a sort of unspoken bond between them.

I looked over her, smiling with such joy in my eyes that only she could bring. "Oh, pet, you bring out the best in me. Don't know how you do it, but you do." I pulled the sheet from covering her, now taking in her full sight. I shivered and hissed softly, my head dipping to kiss her lower stomach. Her smell was enough to make me moan, my hand lowering between her legs. This girl was capable of bringing me to my knees. The power she had over me was unbelievable. It could not be explained, only felt. I placed my head on her stomach, listening to her heart beat as I positioned myself between her legs to lay down. If I had a heart, I'd want it to match her heart's beating. I wanted to be one with her, to be inside of her and never leave. My tongue licked at her skin, savoring the salty taste of her flesh.

"I thought of turning you, when I first saw you. I had this desire for you, this craving, that I could not explain. Dru bloody well saw it, she knew what it meant. I wanted you the moment I set eyes on you. I wanted you to be mine. I was going to use you to torment your Watcher and friends... but now? Couldn't bloody think of hurting you. Would never turn you unless it would save you... but even then, pet, I'd debate it." Eyes met her's, caught them for a moment before looking down.

Buffy listened to his words with a soft smile on her face. His touch was setting her on fire and she felt complete as he positioned himself to lay with his head on her chest. One hand moved to trace circles across his shoulder blades while the other arm went under her head so she could look down at him comfortably. His tongue on her skin made a soft whimper escape her as she tried to focus on his words. He was saying something important, something she'd always wanted to know. Although she'd often wondered how Spike felt about her becoming a vampire, she'd never have the nerve to ask. Occasionally the idea would cross her mind and she'd find herself coming up with little stories in her head to justify him turning her, but more often than not she couldn't accept the reasons herself. Knowing that he'd be forever young and she'd grow old bothered her, but she was getting to be more comfortable with it.

Buffy caught his eyes before he looked away then shifted her gaze to the ceiling. "You'd debate saving my life?" she laughed a little, knowing why he would and understanding with perfect clarity. "I don't think I could make it as a vampire. I'd be horrible at it." She laughed and shook her head, joking about the idea. Inside, she was really thinking about it all. "I don't know what I'd do with myself. I mean, other than love you for all eternity." She said with a smile, wishing he could see inside her head so he could answer all the questions she'd never ask.


End file.
